If you would like to share your own story of therapist abuse or professional misconduct and be witnessed by the community, you can:
- Post it as a comment on this page
- Submit a longer story for publication by contacting me through the Contact page and arranging to email it to me
Please DO NOT include the real names of the therapists or other parties involved. We want to avoid any potential legal issues that may arise from using people’s real names. Any comments in violation of this may be removed by the moderator.
You can read the following survivor stories by clicking the links.
Kelly’s Story – “Silent No More”
Maria’s Story – “From Charmed to Harmed: The Aftermath of Sexual Exploitation”
Michelle’s Story of Healing – “Reclaiming My Life”
Thank you for having the courage to share your stories!
My story is a long story, but I will try to give the cliff notes version. When I was 32 years old, I started seeing a 72 year old therapist. He instantly started breaking all sorts of boundaries, like inviting me to lunch, coming to my church, and introducing me to his family. This was my first experience of therapy. I had no idea that he was breaking any ethical codes by doing this. He assured me that we had a special relationship and that he wanted to support me as I went off to graduate school later that year. When I moved, he decided that we should become friends and talk every day. He used his position and power over me to speak more and more about my sex life and our common attraction (I was not attracted to him sexually but he tried to convince me that I was while at the same time assuring me that nothing would happen). Finally, he decided that I should stop paying him, though we often met for sessions after that. Immediately after dissolving our professional relationship, he began suggesting that we must redefine our relationship and not too long after that he began pushing to have phone sex. After 6 months, he traveled 21 hours to my new home where I was doing my graduate work to insist that things finally became physical. They did. Then, over the summer when I returned home to complete an internship, he insisted that I stay with him and his wife. By this point in our relationship, I was completely brain washed by time. He told me that he would never sleep with me. I trusted him, but finally when staying at his home, he manipulated me into sleeping with him and this continued for the entirety of the summer. He was continuing to act as my therapist though I no longer paid him and though our “talks” were much longer (hours each day) and much less formal.
By the end of the summer, I started seeing him differently. He wasn’t the person I thought he was. But I was so manipulated and addicted to him by that point that I would have done anything he said. I had such a hard time admitting who he really was. He continued finding ways to get me alone to have sex. Many times I was able to avoid him since I lived so far away, but he was excellent at manipulating me and my emotions and trust.
Then, almost a year after my summer internship, he got sick and almost died. That ended our physical relationship. The next year was filled with nothing but fighting and control and screaming and rage and fear of abandonment on his part. I excused all of his behavior because he always apologized and always had psychological explanations for what had happened that made me believe that he understood his behavior and would change. When I moved back in to town a year after his almost fatal sickness, it was right before Covid and when the pandemic started, my mother-in-law died. Her death unleashed all sorts of anger and rage from him onto me (for reasons I am still unclear about) and I realized who and what I was really dealing with on some level; at least, I had suspicions. Though I had been questioning him for years, now in the back of my mind, something made me question him more deeply. I had some clarity for the first time in a long time and I knew that I needed to talk about it with someone.
This is the kicker: he helped me find a new therapist and she was a close friend of his. After about a year, I finally told my new therapist what had happened between the two of us in the context of work through the 12 steps for codependency. She did the right thing and turned him in. I begged her not to because I was still defending him and still didn’t understand that I had been groomed and assaulted. I realize now how deep my trauma bond was with him. She was patient with me and helped me to understand that I had been s. assaulted. I developed more intense PTSD, anxiety, and depression (all of which had existed on some level for the last three years). A year after I turned him in to the licensing board, I went to the police in the state of Texas and they told me that what he did is not against the law (but it is in Texas). They still will not do anything. They consider our sexual relationship to be consensual.
I am not a weak-minded person. I have three graduate degrees. I am a priest in the Episcopal Church. I have a loving husband, a supportive community, and a large support network. I am a deep person of faith, but I am also highly intellectual. I love psychology and self-help. I wasn’t unhappy in my marriage, I have only ever had one sexual partner (my husband), and I consider myself to be demi/sapio-sexual which is on the asexual spectrum. What that means is that I am not a very sexual person by nature. Not to be arrogant, but if it can happen to me, it can happen to anybody.
I struggle so many days because I feel alone even though I have an amazing support system. I feel like people can never understand the violence my mind and body went through (especially my mind). The trauma permeates so much of who I am yet I feel like I cannot talk about it with anyone but my therapist. I feel like I have to pretend I am okay, but I’m not. I am not okay. And I feel like I have to pretend like nothing happened to me. Hardly anyone knows what happened – just a handful of people. Some of my best friends do know. My colleagues know. My husband knows. But that is about it. It breaks my heart because hardly anyone who knows will ask me how I am. I see pity in their eyes, but also fear and unease at asking me how I am. And the truth is that I am not okay most days.
I want to be okay. Even four years out, I have panic attacks though I think the anxiety attacks are the worst because they can last forever. I have nightmares almost every night. I either sleep way too much or way too little. I dissociate all the time. My memory and executive functioning are finally starting to improve after hitting an all time low in 2021. Suicidal ideation is a constant companion (to be clear, I have no plan and have a safety plan in place). Trust is a big problem, especially with older men, men who have authority over me, therapists, and clergy (my abuser is also a Methodist minister).
I don’t want to paint my whole situation as bad. My husband has been amazing through this. His empathy and love have carried me through this. My boss/Bishop has been a God-send. He has been a understanding boss and caring pastor when I go to him for help. I have a dedicated spiritual director, attentive best friend, great job, and wonderful new therapist who is so capable in helping me through this. In many ways, I know that I am lucky – very lucky.
But I am tired. My nervous system feels exhausted. So often, I feel terribly alone.
On the bright side, things continue to improve little by little. EMDR seems to be working a little.
If you are a praying person, please pray for me. If you are not, send good vibes my way.
Thanks for giving me space to share my story. Sometimes I feel like I heal just a little every time I tell my story.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! You are not alone.
I am so sorry for this awful trauma that you’ve been through. I am glad to hear that you have a caring, understanding husband and other supporters, and that EMDR may be working. Give it some time. The nervous system and somatic work, which is so important, can take a while.
Sending you love and good vibes!
Thank you so much for sharing. A lot of your story is similar to mine and it’s relieving and validating to read your words. I totally hear you around being exhausted. Like, bone tired. Really grateful to you. Sending you prayers for deep healing.
Thanks for your story of abuse.i was abused by a therapist when I was 19 years old and in college.I dropped out of college because I was so violated and I had paid him for the therapy for OCD and bulimia and anorexic because he was a so called expert and he got mad at me when I stopped giving him verbal attention on the phone and in his office.He said he was in love with me, but I wasn’t from his background.He referred me to another doctor who was accused of abuse also and the head of the dept. as well who was accused too.The other doctors all knew about him,and I tried to get help at this prominent hospital but they ignored me.