Hi Everyone!
I’m putting a couple of questions to you all and would love to know your thoughts.
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Occasionally (thankfully not very often) I receive some really negative comments that may not be considered respectful of therapist abuse survivors. This includes, for example, comments that involve blaming the victim, saying the victim had a choice, that the victim consented, etc., or comments from people who just want to go off on someone. I’m talking about the rude, nasty, sometimes hateful stuff and not about general negative commentary.Up to now, my general policy has been to let the comments stand because I believe in freedom of speech and that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But a colleague recently suggested that I could take a more discretionary approach and delete negative commentary as I saw fit, as long as I posted a disclaimer on the site regarding that policy. What do you all think? Are the negative comments upsetting to you? Would you prefer I make them “go away”? Or are they thought-provoking? Do they provide you an opportunity to express your anger about victim-blaming and that sort of thing?
- Right now we have a “Your Stories” page on which people can post their stories in the comment section. Occasionally someone submits a much longer story that would be prohibitive to read as a “comment.” So I am considering including links to survivors’ stories that would each open up on its own page (with a comment section below that would be exclusive to that story). The stories could only be accessed from the Your Stories page — although I could also put links to them in the sidebar. Hmmm. This is something I’m just starting to mull over and would like your input!
Thanks for your ideas and your support!
January 2, 2015 – Update
Thanks for your input! I have now posted the Comments Policy and Participation Guidelines for the website and all comments will be subject to moderator approval.
1. About your first question about negative quotes. For me personally, I have waited much longer to post my story just in case someone familiar with the story somehow found it on here and made negative comments. I knew I had to be strong enough to be able to handle it (whether I chose to ignore, respond, or whatever). Because my personal story involves the therapist’s other clients (there was a cult like experience going on) I have to be on guard where ever I go because I might run into someone….and they all think very negatively of me since I filed a complaint with the ethics board. So, in my situation, it would be nice to have others I can communicate with more freely without the fear of someone I know posting something negative. But, I have seen one negative comment from a therapist on here and it didn’t affect me personally, I was just worried that the persons she was targeting could get hurt. Okay, so I just talked out of both sides of my mouth. I don’t think I helped at all with your decision! But wouldn’t that be a lot of moderating for you to do…..to check every post before it goes up? What if the “Your Stories” section was a place people could post their own stories….without comments being allowed, then there was a section where people could connect and write about what they are dealing with today? That way someone that wants to post something negative wouldn’t be able to post it about a certain story. Oh, I don’t know. This is getting into your second question now! Ummm…. .As I have no understanding of all the workings of a website I am not sure I can adequately respond. Is there a way to put some stories in a tab from the top? If not, then a link on the side sounds like that would work. Wow, thanks for all the work you put into this site, Kristi. Neither of my current therapist knew about it but they have greatly benefited from reading some of the items on your site. Thanks!
Thanks for the input!
Hello everyone
I do not feel removing negative comments is OK. I say this because what one person thinks is negative to another it is a very valid point or fair comment
I have to say I have found certain comments about abusive therapists and stories disturbing (it was actually on Youtube not here) I was on the receiving end of aggression and called a “troll” by the lady calling herself Lynettes Law or Heather.
I honestly believe some advocates who come on too strong or who are too *black and white* are harmful to the cause of victims – harmful and counterproductive in their manner.The lady I mentioned before she set up a website to berate the therapist and imo it borders on harassment it is spiteful and I do not support it. These therapists are flawed human beings and should not be excessively demonized-that is my personal view and I do not regard my viewpoint as victim blaming.
Hi,
I feel therapists should not be license if there are mentally sick or having there own issues, to be seeing clients. A Maryland therapist told some disgusting personal about her self, in laws & her family. It was so horrid I wanted to throw up. No, she was not drinking. What is scaring me this woman is best friends of a very disturbed and frail friend I know. My friend earlier had a horrible therapist who made my her estrange her parents. How can bad therapist have so much control & power?
Are therapist monitored? Does any one keep record of bad therapist?
It’s me again. Been thinking about your question about negative posts. This site, from the name, to the blogs listed, to websites listed, links, and posts, to the stories told is for the survivor of therapist abuse. So as a place where the survivor can come and feel comfortable enough to open up (which is huge considering all the trust that had to be broken to get to this site) and receive encouragement I think the negative posts should be deleted. A better place for a therapist to be able to be heard would be with their own ethics board if their case goes to court. Which, unfortunately, therapists have control over whether it goes to court or not. But, court would be the place where all the evidence is heard, all the witnesses are heard, and the therapist can present their case. Since this site is for survivors or for those who want to support survivors, I would vote that the negative comments be deleted. Thanks for putting the question out there Kristi!
I realize I need to clarify what I mean by “negative comments” so I’ve updated the post. Generally, I’m referring to comments that involve blaming the victim, saying the victim had a choice, that the victim consented, etc., or comments from people who just want to go off on someone. I’m talking about the rude, nasty, sometimes hateful stuff and not about general negative commentary.
Does that help clarify? Let me know if you have questions.
~Kristi
Kristi,
I think that you have asked some very important questions. I would like to respond to the first question you asked because in my mind it is the more important of the two. With the clarification about the negative comments being “rude, nasty, sometimes hateful stuff” my opinion is that those should be removed right away. I have set up a survivors forum (for survivors of Narcissistic abuse) on Facebook and I have found that allowing these types of abusive posts to stand can be counterproductive to creating an environment where survivors feel comfortable enough to tell their stories and support each other. I had at first tried to “reason” with some of the posters of rude and mean comments, but I quickly found that it was a losing battle. And in the process of trying to explain to them why I believed their post was inappropriate, I was wasting a lot of valuable energy on something at which I was being set up to fail. If you think about the goal of this site, it is to reach out to and support victims of therapist abuse. And while I believe you want very much to allow everyone to post their opinions, I don’t believe that this site was set up to be a forum for survivors to defend themselves against verbal assaults. Since it is possible to reach so many more survivors of this type of abuse by making this a public group- one to which anyone can post- abusive people may try to destroy your ability to do this by taking advantage of the open forum. It is unfortunate that you would ever need to remove comments from this site, I believe it is a necessity for achieving the safe environment you want to give the survivors who support each other here.
That’s my two cents anyways. Thanks for listening :o)
Michelle Mallon
Thanks, Michelle. I just read something on Facebook that seems to support a “hater-free” site, so I think I’ll go that direction.
I strongly affirm your decision. There is a time for standing strong against “negative comments”, but those who find this website in their desperate search for answers are not probably ready to stand strong against anything. Hopefully, with support, and guidance, and time, the abused will come to know that comments such as these are made out of ignorance and fear. There is a time and a place for everything, but this valuable forum is neither the time or place for that ignorance and fear to be given that kind of voice.
Wow! Don, that was an incredible reason! Beautifully worded. I couldn’t agree more!
Thanks for all your input! I have now implemented a Comments Policy and Participation Guidelines for the site, and all comments are subject to moderator approval.