I’m excited to announce that Amy Nordhues, one of our readers, has recently published a memoir about her experience with therapist abuse. Here is some information about the book, in her own words. And you can also find the book link on the Books & Media page.
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From Amy:
My memoir, Prayed Upon: Breaking Free from Therapist Abuse, is now available for pre-order on my website! To get your copy click here: amynordhues.com/shop. When you do, you will also receive a gift with purchase (a small token of my appreciation)!
Here is a brief synopsis…
Prayed Upon is the story of one woman’s escape from the abuse of a respected, church-going psychiatrist. Amy reaches out to Dr. Dolion for help with depression, but instead of providing healing, he leads her down a path of deception and betrayal. His office, which initially feels like a sanctuary, becomes a psychological prison, one from which Amy will have to fight to free herself.
Prayed Upon, a true story, depicts Amy’s journey from victim to thriving child of God. Her brutal honesty provides an inside look at the warped beliefs that early abuse instills; beliefs that make adult victims vulnerable to sexual predators. Her story shines a light on the under-reported sexual abuse of adults and ultimately the way victims can gain freedom from the bondage of shame that abuse leaves behind.
When I originally wrote this story I was writing it for myself. I needed to understand what happened? How was I duped by a predator? Wasn’t I intelligent? Wasn’t I good at reading people? Was there something horribly wrong with me?
This was the biggie: Was I a victim or a participant? I felt compassion for one and sheer hatred for the other, so finding the answer was key.
As I watched the story take shape on the pages in front of me, I began to see the bigger picture, the sinister plot unfolding, and I was horrified by what I saw. I realized that I had been groomed, something I thought only applied to young children. I could see that I did not want what took place, but still, why couldn’t I leave? How did he hold me captive for so long? Eventually, I got my answer to that, too.
In time, I thought about the shame that adult victims carry, and I wondered how many others were suffering in silence, attempting to take their secrets to the grave, something I had planned to do as well. I knew how heavy shame was to carry alone and how devastating that could be over time.
So I decided to rewrite my story. It would no longer be what I needed; rather, it would become what the reader needed. What did they need to hear? What was beneficial to their healing? What would they deem important and interesting? What could I offer them as a result of my experiences?
I had to make sure that I was not using my story to defend myself. That was God’s job. I had to make sure that I was not using it to get back at my abuser. I had to make sure I was not using it for any reason other than to provide hope for other victims and a clearer understanding for those attempting to grasp this abhorrent type of abuse.
This allowed me to step back and look at my entire life. What set me up for this kind of abuse? What was going on in my head that I allowed people to continually take advantage of me? How was I going to heal and keep this from happening again? Would I ever heal? How was I going to forgive myself and show others that they deserve forgiveness as well?
I finally got those answers. Now my story was ready to share with the world. And that is what I offer you now. I hope that you will read my story and be forever changed. I hope you find exactly what you need within its pages.
I also hope you will have the courage to speak out even if it means sharing with only one person or writing your experience out in your journal or on a social platform anonymously. If you would like to share with me, I would be honored to listen and offer what I can. My email is amy@amynordhues.com.
Most importantly, I hope you will read Prayed Upon and know that you are not alone, you are not at fault and you are deeply loved.
–Amy
We are such a unique cohort of victims. Adults who we groomed. It’s so so hard. We went to seek help and ended up being abused. In my country, what has happened was not illegal. I can’t get criminal charges pinned on him. However I have a civil case and he has lost registration to practise. I thank you for your bravery in sharing this. I have felt so alone during this. My friends have scooped me up and put me back together but no one really “gets it”. I have seen the horror in everyone’s eyes as I tell my story. Every says they feel sick and are so incredibly angry and sorry about what he did to me. You end up feeling damaged and broken. Like you can’t relate to others as much. It’s nice to have a shared story like yours to relate to. I’ll definitely be reading.
Jeremica,
Thank you for responding. I totally agree with everything you expressed. I recall feeling totally alone, the only victim in the universe. Now I realize this type of abuse is very common which is so sad. In my state, therapist abuse is not illegal either so I was able to stop him from practicing and file a malpractice suit but nothing criminal. I would love to get that law changed! In half of our states, therapist sexual abuse is considered a crime. I know what you mean when you say no one really “gets” it. It is hard to fathom unless you have been there which is why we need to support one another in this journey. That is why I wanted to tell my story—so that other victims will not feel alone and so that onlookers can sort of comprehend what happened to us so that they can better support us. Thank you for reading. Please let me know your thoughts after you’ve read! Amy 🙂
Jeremica, you are absolutely not alone. This website as well as TELL – Therapy Exploitation Link Line (https://www.therapyabuse.org/) – you can email them as well – evidence how not alone you are. I am so sorry. I also reported my therapist to my state department, did not take legal action, and even had a newspaper article published about his devient ways – and he still practices! As a “life coach”. I knew he could, and would, prior to reporting him. He also started his own off-shoot religion afterwards – and has followers. Awesome. What we are is strong. Trial by fire leads to something better than before.
Amy, thank you so much for sharing. I love a good pun, great title! I know an Amy with a very similar story who got out from an LDS therapist. The questions you raised were exactly the same things I asked myself. This one hit the hardest – “How was I going to heal and keep this from happening again?”. It’s been a ride. It’s a weird balance of trying out people, trusting/not trusting, intuition vs brain, forgiveness vs firing people, how I respond/recover when some is untrustworthy. It’s my response to shady people that has changed, not their shadiness. I am certainly more aware, in a good way.
Thank you for sharing your story. For being a voice, an advocate. I imagine it wasn’t an easy book to write.
Thank you so much for reaching out! You are correct. It was not an easy book to write. I had to walk away from it many times, for months or years even because it was simply too painful, too shameful. But I refuse to carry that shame. Which is one reason I speak out. So that other survivors can see that it’s not our shame. It’s always been the abusers’. Wow. That is crazy about your ex-therapist! Sociopaths are truly charming. And their followers do not want to admit that someone they admired could be evil. That would shatter their little “bubble” and make the world far too threatening. So they ignore and deny the truth and as a result abandon the victims. Sad.
Good for you Amy! It is absolutely not our shame. I do believe in evil, now. I see it as a good thing – to see more clearly. To understand the lengths that sociopaths/narcissits can go to – that I could never have imagined prior. Eyes opened, but it is still a ride. Thank you for having the courage to finish your book.
Thank you so much! I appreciate you!