Treatment Abuse Checklist

Is There Something Wrong or Questionable in Your Treatment?

Estelle Disch, Ph.D.
BASTA! Boston Associates to Stop Treatment Abuse
528 Franklin Street, Cambridge, MA 02139
Copyright © 1990, 1992

The purpose of this list is to alert you to boundary issues that frequently occur in poor or abusive treatment and health care. If you are currently in a treatment that doesn’t feel right, and/or if several of the items below describe your treatment, I suggest that you find a consultant who does not know your current practitioner in order to assess whether or not the treatment is viable. If you have been in a treatment relationship that didn’t feel good to you, this list might help you identify what went wrong. The list below is not exhaustive. It is intended to offer examples of the kinds of behaviors that very often accompany poor treatment. Although most items apply to psychotherapy, some can apply to other kinds of health care, pastoral counseling, or clergy relationships. There is a section on touch-based health care (including bodywork) at the end of this checklist.

Certain items below might not always reflect poor treatment. For example, it might make sense to break ties with abusive people in your life, and a practitioner might support this with your best interests in mind. If, however, the practitioner is encouraging you to break ties with all your close relationships with the sole purpose of making you extremely dependent on him or her, that is very likely to be poor treatment. A practitioner who encourages you to see him or her as often as you can afford might genuinely have your best interests in mind. The issue to examine is whether he/she is encouraging extra sessions as part of his or her own need to have you become excessively dependent. A practitioner might occasionally share something about him/herself in order to help you (e.g. let you know you’re not the only one who has experienced that difficulty; offer some advice about what helped him/her in a similar situation). If, however, the practitioner talks about him or herself as a way of asking for help from you, as a way of having you serve as an audience, or as a way of derailing you from the issue you raised, there’s probably serious trouble in your treatment.

Good, boundaried psychotherapy, pastoral counseling, addiction counseling, bodywork, medical practice, etc. should always be oriented to your emotional and medical needs and not to the emotional needs of the practitioner. Practitioners who are lonely, need attention, have deep unresolved problems, and/or who lack good training in boundary issues are apt to do marginal or poor treatment. There are good practitioners, and you have a right to be treated by them.

Many of the items listed below might fit into more than one category.

For a PDF version of this list, click this link: Treatment Abuse Checklist

Business Practices

  • Practitioner has offered to see me for free or for a very low fee as a favor to me.
  • Since my fee is so low, the practitioner expects me to bring food for him/her to the sessions or to do other tasks in exchange for treatment.
  • Practitioner bills insurance for sessions that don’t occur.
  • Sessions frequently run over by half an hour or more.
  • I am usually the last appointment of the day.
  • There is usually no one else around when I have my appointments.
  • The practitioner often keeps me waiting for long periods of time.
  • I owe the practitioner over $1,000.
  • I often don’t know how long a session is going to last. Sometimes it’s 20 minutes, other times it’s an hour and a half.
  • The practitioner frequently answers the phone during my sessions.
  • If the practitioner is hungry, we go to a restaurant during my session.

Dependency, Isolation and Goal Derailment

  • The practitioner has told me that I should break ties with most of my important relationships (such as those listed below) and I don’t understand why:

• Mother     • Father     • Sister(s)     • Brother(s)      • Partner or Spouse
• Social groups     • Religious activities     • Treatment group
• Close friend(s)   • Political groups     • 12-Step programs     • Other

  • The practitioner encourages me to see him/her as often as I can afford to do so, even if I don’t feel a need to come so often.
  • The practitioner encourages me to telephone him/her often, even if I feel I don’t need to.
  • The practitioner tells me what she/he is doing in terms of personal growth and suggests that I do the same thing.
  • The practitioner goes out of his or her way to accommodate the frequent schedule changes that I request, even though it is very inconvenient for him/her.
  • The practitioner suggested that I drop out of school.
  • The practitioner seemed to think that my plans to go to/complete school were a bad idea.
  • The practitioner thought that my ideas to change my career for the better were not a good idea.
  • The practitioner offered to see me free if I were to run out of money, even if I needed long-term free treatment.
  • The practitioner has given me his or her own used clothing.
  • The practitioner tells me what clothing to wear and/or how to wear my hair.
  • The practitioner demands that I talk to no one about my treatment.
  • I have said several times that I’d like to see another practitioner for a consultation about my treatment, but my practitioner is adamant that I shouldn’t do it.
  • The practitioner regularly offers concrete support to me such as visits to my home, accompanying me in difficult situations, frequent calling to see how I am. When I am in a crisis, he/she is even more available.
  • I feel with this practitioner as though I’ve found the kind of help and understanding I’ve wanted all my life.
  • The practitioner regularly reminds me that she/he is the only person in my life who really cares about me. The practitioner regularly reminds me that he/she is the only person who really understands me and knows what’s good for me.

Social Contact

  • I have been to parties where the practitioner was and the practitioner didn’t discuss the implications of traveling in the same social circles.
  • The practitioner has invited me to parties.
  • I have invited the practitioner to parties to which he/she came.
  • I have invited the practitioner to parties to which he/she did not come but said it was because of a prior engagement.
  • I have attended professional meetings with this practitioner at his/her invitation.
  • This practitioner and I usually attend the same AA or Al-Anon (or equivalent) meeting.
  • This practitioner often gives me a ride to the bus at the end of the session.
  • This practitioner often gives me a ride home.
  • I have stayed at this practitioner’s house overnight.
  • I have spent social time with members of this practitioner’s family.
  • I have been/am intimately involved with one or more members of this practitioner’s family.
  • This practitioner and I have close friends in common.
  • Practitioner said or implied that we could be friends when treatment was over.
  • The practitioner sometimes takes drugs or drinks alcohol with me.
  • The practitioner has given me illegal drugs.
  • I have seen my practitioner nude at the health spa, gym, etc.
  • I have seen my practitioner at the gym or health club (dressed).
  • My practitioner and I are on the same sports team.
  • My practitioner and I are on competing sports teams and predictably see each other in that context.
  • I have access to a lot of personal information about the practitioner from mutual friends or colleagues.
  • We have never discussed how social contact outside the professional relationship might affect the professional relationship.
  • Other kinds of social contact. Please describe:

Feeling Special 

  • The practitioner told me that I was his/her favorite client.
  • The practitioner talked about other clients in my presence.
  • The practitioner took calls from other clients in my presence and let me know who they were.
  • The practitioner said that she/he had never known anyone like me before.
  • The practitioner gives me lots of presents and says they’re a reflection of how important I am to him/her.
  • The practitioner tells me about other clients in a way that makes me feel important, trusted and special.
  • The practitioner told me I was special.
  • Other ways the practitioner helped you feel special. Please describe:

Cult Themes

  • There are many clients who seem close to this practitioner. I have met them or heard about them.
  • The practitioner likes to foster a sense of family and community among his/her clients, which I have been part of.
  • There are often parties or social meetings at the practitioner’s home, which I have attended.
  • The practitioner often takes former clients on as trainees at his/her training institute.
  • The practitioner plays the role of “guru” for his/her clients. He/she has a vision about how the world should be and is trying to develop a community of clients as followers/participants in this community.
  • I myself have been part of the planning group for the community the practitioner hopes to develop.
  • The practitioner talks about other clients I know with no respect for their right to confidentiality.
  • Ritualized group activities such as ceremonies were part of my relationship with the practitioner and his/her community.
  • The practitioner is the “guru” of the group in which she/he is involved.
  • Ritualized, sadistic activity in the presence of others.
  • Other ways the practitioner established a community or family-type atmosphere. Please describe:

Mind Control 

  • The practitioner uses hypnosis as part of the treatment and I often don’t know what’s going on. When I ask, he/she refuses to answer.
  • I feel as though I’ve been hypnotized or somehow in a trance-like state in the practitioner’s presence, though he/she doesn’t seem to obviously use hypnosis.
  • I remember the practitioner making hypnotic suggestions that I don’t feel comfortable with.
  • After treatment was over, I began to remember some of the things the practitioner said or did while I was in a trance-like state, which in retrospect feel very uncomfortable or abusive.
  • The practitioner suggested that I kill myself.
  • The practitioner failed to take my suicidal feelings seriously. The practitioner suggested or implied that I might be better off dead.
  • The practitioner fostered a lot of dependency and then started trying to get me to do things I didn’t want to do.
  • The practitioner insulted what I believed were the good parts of my life.
  • A short time after I started treatment, my life began to fall apart. The practitioner didn’t seem concerned about my life. Rather, he/she seemed concerned that I stay dependent on him/her. Sometimes I feel/felt drugged after sessions.
  • Other ways the practitioner affected your thinking or undermined your strength. Please describe:

Sexual Activity

  • The practitioner engaged (with or without physical force) in overt sexual contact such as: kissing of mouth, breasts, genitals; sexual hugs (prolonged full body hugs, pelvic thrusts, obvious erections); partial or total disrobing for the purpose of sexual contact; fondling of breasts or genitals (with or without clothing); masturbation; oral sex; vaginal or anal intercourse; use of sex toys; sexual activity while I was drugged.
  • Practitioner engaged in sexual activity with me against my will.
  • Practitioner initiated sexual activity with me on the condition that I keep quiet about it, by saying things like: If this gets out it will ruin me and/or my family.
  • After the sexual part of my relationship with the practitioner ended, he/she told me that if I told anyone she/he’d be ruined.
  • After the sexual part of my relationship with the practitioner ended, he/she threatened to expose embarrassing parts of my psychological history if I ever told anyone in authority or filed a complaint.
  • Practitioner threatens that if I don’t work on my repressed sexuality by being sexual with him/her, I’ll never get better.
  • After treatment ended, the practitioner called to ask me for a date.
  • A short time after treatment ended, I started a sexual relationship with the practitioner.

Seductive Language and Nonverbal Interaction:

  • Practitioner says, “If only I’d known you back then, we’d have made a good couple…”
  • Practitioner compliments my body.
  • Practitioner discusses his/ her sexual attraction to me.
  • Practitioner says, “If only we both weren’t married…”
  • Practitioner says he/she would like to have an affair with me when treatment is over.
  • Practitioner seems to have a voyeuristic interest in my sex life.
  • Practitioner sends me love letters.
  • Practitioner gives me sex toys to use at home, tells me how to use them and asks for details about how I’m doing with them.
  • Practitioner makes frequent comments on my appearance with the goal of having me appear as “sexually attractive” as possible.
  • Practitioner often suggested or implied that we could have an affair when treatment was over.
  • Practitioner looks at me in a voyeuristic way.

Treatment Process

  • Practitioner tells me his/her problems so that I can offer help or advice.
  • Practitioner talks a lot about him/herself and I don’t understand the relevance of what she/he is sharing for my treatment.
  • Practitioner seems to free associate to what I say and spin off into his/her own thinking. I feel like my issues aren’t being addressed.
  • Practitioner always acts like he/she knows what’s best for me without asking me.
  • Practitioner is cold, distant, rigid.
  • Practitioner gets very angry, sometimes yells at me.
  • Practitioner interprets everything that happens between us as transference, even when I’m sure he/she has had a clear effect on how I feel.
  • Since starting treatment, I’ve felt worse rather than better, and the practitioner doesn’t seem concerned that this is happening or explain why it might be happening.
  • After starting treatment, my life began to fall apart. Rather than being concerned about the quality of my life or my state of mind, the practitioner seems more interested that I stay dependent upon him/her.
  • Since starting treatment, I’ve felt suicidal for the first time in my life; the practitioner doesn’t seem concerned.
  • Practitioner is hostile, sadistic.
  • Practitioner seems to enjoy my pain.
  • Practitioner fails to take my suicidal feelings seriously.
  • Practitioner suggested, either directly or indirectly, that I kill myself (e.g. that I would be better off dead; that s/he dreamt that I was dead; that suicide might be a reasonable alternative for me, etc.).
  • Practitioner insults parts of myself over which I have little or no control such as my physical characteristics and abilities, weight, race, gender, age, sexual orientation, hospitalization history, etc.
  • Practitioner insults other aspects of my life. She/he seems more interested in tearing me down than in building me up.
  • Practitioner threatens that if I don’t do what he/she says, I’ll never get better. Sometimes that feels right, sometimes it doesn’t.
  • The practitioner diminished the importance of a prior abusive treatment.
  • The practitioner refuses to address my current needs, always insisting that my current problems must be addressed by working with my earlier experiences.
  • The practitioner repeatedly yells at me in a loud voice.
  • I often say that I don’t think treatment is going very well and the practitioner brushes me off.
  • When I raise questions about what is happening in my treatment, the practitioner refuses to discuss the treatment process, how he/she works, what I can expect from the treatment, etc.
  • The practitioner would not tell me what his/her credentials are.
  • The practitioner misrepresented his/her credentials.
  • The practitioner advertised services that he/she was not qualified to deliver.
  • The practitioner uses drugs or alcohol with me.
  • The practitioner encouraged me to use drugs or alcohol, even though he/she knows that I have a history of troubles with drugs or alcohol.
  • The practitioner seemed drugged or drunk in sessions.
  • The practitioner and I used drugs or alcohol together during treatment sessions or office visits.
  • The practitioner insults me for having the problems I have.
  • The treatment ended without a termination process.
  • The treatment ended with me feeling very upset, and the practitioner didn’t suggest a referral to another practitioner.
  • The practitioner talked about me with other people without my permission.
  • The practitioner failed to carefully explain the limits of confidentiality.
  • Other aspects of the therapy process that didn’t feel right. Please describe:

Dual Roles

  • The practitioner is my clinical supervisor (or vice versa).
  • I work for the practitioner.
  • I work for the practitioner in exchange for treatment sessions.
  • The practitioner is/was my teacher, dissertation advisor, etc.
  • The practitioner and I are friends apart from the treatment.
  • The practitioner is a relative of mine.
  • The practitioner is a close friend of my family.
  • The practitioner and I are colleagues or peers in a work setting.
  • The practitioner and I are engaged in a joint business venture.
  • The practitioner has borrowed money from me.
  • Other dual roles. Please describe:

In Bodywork, Health Care, etc. Involving Physical Contact

  • This practitioner touches parts of my body that seem unrelated to the issues I’ve presented, and I don’t understand why. When I ask, I don’t get an adequate explanation.
  • This practitioner’s touches seem more like sexual caresses than the kind of touch that feels appropriate in a medical treatment or examination.
  • This practitioner’s hands seem to linger too long on my body during a physical examination or treatment.
  • This practitioner touches me in ways that hurt without preparing me for what will happen and without negotiating what my treatment or diagnostic alternatives might be.
  • This practitioner seems to enjoy the fact that some of the physical contact he/she initiates is painful to me.
  • This practitioner blames me for the health problems I have and acts as though I deserve them.
  • This practitioner seems hostile towards my body.
  • This practitioner makes comments of a sexualized nature about my body.
  • This practitioner has not asked me whether there are parts of my body that I would prefer not to have touched.
  • This practitioner does not explain what she/he is doing or what I should expect in an exam or treatment.
  • This practitioner leaves parts of my body uncovered after she/he has finished examining or treating those parts, even though I have requested that my body be covered except for those parts being treated or examined.
  • If I take a friend or advocate along when I see this practitioner, he/she addresses communication to that person rather than to me.

Copyright © 1998 BASTA! All rights reserved.

This information has been reproduced on SurvivingTherapistAbuse.com with permission of the author.

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  • […] Resource Article: Abuse Checklist: Is There Something Wrong or Questionable in Your Treatment […]

    Reply

  • Wish I had access to this list long ago. It is so comprehensive. I loved him so much. Before I felt how he could hurt me, I would have dismissed the list alltogether. And that’s a pity.
    But I’ll keep the list for everyone I know who intends to see a therapist.

    Reply

    • Thanks! I think many of us victims might have dismissed the list had anyone presented it to us at the time. Sometimes we have to understand the real consequences of a situation before we take warnings and cautions seriously. (That’s probably true for many areas of life!) None of us had any clue what we were in for, but now we can look back and see what and how it happened. Consumer education is vital. The more people in general understand the harm that can be done, the more likely they are to recognize a bad situation in the making. The only way we can really protect ourselves is through knowledge and awareness.

      Reply

  • yes, I believe that consumer education is vital. I used to think that as long as there was no sexual exploitation that therapy could in no way be harmful. However, that was until that I had an experience which met many of the criteria on this list. The more we understand about correct and ethical practices the better the regulating environment for mental health services will become.

    Reply

  • i was emotionally abused in the 70s and I am still suffering from the effects of it. My psychotherapist/hypnotherapist had fake qualifications, a doctorate bought from an American Bible College with about six weeks work, I found this out later when I began to investigate him. Emotional abuse is really dificult to describe, but he dumped me without explanation just before my college finals and when I asked why, he blamed me for wanting to know, said it was a symptom of my neurosis. I also think the major damage was sustained by the lack of help I got form my solicitors and psychiatrist.

    Incidentally I and others wrote our experiences in theWitness book “Broken Boudaries” published by Lulu.

    Reply

    • Hi Estelle,
      I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you. Not only did you suffer trauma at the hands of your “therapist” but then it sounds like you also suffered secondary wounding afterward. I think that combination can create a really tangled web that can take a lot of time and healing to unravel.

      Thanks for mentioning the book. Here’s a link to Broken Boundaries on Lulu, where it can be downloaded: Broken Boundaries

      All the best to you!

      Reply

  • I have been reading and searaching for along time to find someone who has been abused by a counselor.I was seeing a “christian counselor– a Greek Orthodox priest” he was reccommended highly to me.At first things were ok i had went to him for my past,problems with my children and marriage.The things that happened i really dont want to talk about right now,it was a very long time before i would even think that it wasnt my fault.Its been 2 years now i see a new theropist who has helped me through this.Its tough not to think in some way i had fault in what happened–what can i do to report him? I think even now he is doing it to others.
    Annie

    Reply

    • Hi Annie,

      I’m glad you’ve been able to find a therapist who can help you through the healing process. Be assured that what happened was not your fault or responsibility. Over time, as you work through what happened, your beliefs and perspective will shift more and more. Hang in there!

      I’m not familiar with reporting procedures for counselors who are not licensed by the state. However, the website http://www.Pokrov.org is specifically about abuse within Orthodox churches. I recommend you check it out. You can also check out the resources at http://www.AdvocateWeb.org.

      All the best,
      Kristi

      Reply

  • […] this reason I link to the Treatment Abuse Checklist posted on the blog Surviving Therapist […]

    Reply

  • […] *Important note here: You may find yourself stuck in a fantasy with someone with whom you have a therapeutic relationship. This happens so often there’s a name for it: Erotic Transference. In this case, you should not avoid your counselor or therapist, but address this issue with him/her, no matter how uncomfortable you feel about the whole thing.  A competent mental health professional will know how to handle this (as it happens often).  If you’re not sure if your counselor knows how to uphold professional boundaries, please refer to this link. […]

    Reply

  • As I’ve read the list, I’m just in shock. I can’t believe the amount of things I could check off. And I’ve blamed MYSELF all these years. My GOD! It’s still hard not to blame myself. How could I have been so victimized by the one who was supposed to keep me safe? I’m seeing a woman now who is helping me to properly understand what happened. I think I’m only beginning to come out of denial. Thanks for having this posting.

    Reply

  • I had a psychiatrist I recently stopped seeing.

    He ignored my concerns about medications he prescribed, usually referring to reprints of studies given to him by drug reps to make me see that my experiences with the meds were invalid. This was one of the reasons that he lost my trust.
    When I tried to get off the meds on my own (because it was something he wouldn’t agree to) and to stop seeing him, I found that I went through withdrawal symptoms (even though I didn’t know what was going on at the time). He said, “You’ve been experimenting with the drugs, haven’t you?” I had been almost completely off one drug for nearly a month (the one that was a concern to stop — for depression) and was using the other (for ADD) occasionally for work with the intent to be completely off of it since I felt it was too hard and had negative effects. I have never abused drugs or alcohol and never intend to.
    Previously, I had ticks from another medication that was pushed on me that I didn’t feel that I was getting benefit from (to augment the antidepressant), but that he insisted that I take.
    This was further compounded by the fact that my therapy had gone downhill ever since he took on another patient who was supposed to be there to help me but whom he refused to allow me to disagree with, even though this person was abusive (verbally in the present, physically in recent past and more distantly). This person said that the medication helped even though I didn’t feel like it did. The therapist insisted that keep taking the drug because he believed the other person, who became a patient, over me (which had become the norm).
    I learned not to disagree with the psychiatrist. He forced me to agree with his medication and events by repeating what he wanted me to say happened (over and over) until I would relent. As soon as I was forced into agreeing with his version of events, I saw him scribble into his notes what I think was probably the new version of events that he forced me to agree with. He seemed to label me as ‘non-compliant.’ If he had listened to me, I could have been compliant.
    The last time I was contacted by him, he tried to get me to see him again, even though I didn’t want to, having just received treatment (in a hospital, self admission) from another team of professionals that he didn’t seem impressed with. He pressured me, even though he knew that I was looking for another professional for permanent treatment.
    He had a signed consent form to talk to other people in my life about my treatment. He tried to get me to agree to keep him in the loop. I don’t know why I said “OK, whatever,” even though I REALLY, REALLY don’t like his treatment style, ideas about medicine, etc.
    During sessions, he has yelled at me a couple of times and other (separate times) ignored my concerns.
    Consistently, when I tried to bring up a traumatic event from my past, he was dismissive and didn’t want to talk about it saying that it was in the past. This happened even though I believed (and told him) that I had complex PTSD.
    He would charge the full (hundreds of dollars per session) if I canceled with less than a full week’s notice if ‘he wasn’t able to get another patient to take [my] place in his appointment schedule.’
    He did a lot of other things that I wasn’t OK with and involved other people in my life in my treatment which added pressure to keep seeing him. I won’t go back and will ask him in writing not to be “kept in the loop,” as soon as I get a new therapist.
    All I can say is, if your therapist doesn’t listen to you, there should probably be alarm bells going off sooner rather than later. I don’t intend to sue this doctor, I don’t intend to report him to the medical board, I don’t intend to tell the other patient what to do; I just don’t want anything to do with this therapist anymore. If I can get all ties finally severed with him, I’ll be glad.

    Reply

    • That sounds like an incredibly difficult and challenging experience. He clearly was very dismissive of you and your concerns and into his own agenda. I’m so glad to hear you were able to get out from under his influence. I hope your next therapist shows you the care and respect you deserve!

      Reply

  • I have appreciated all these comments. I, too, have seen so many therapists who have crossed boundaries, etc., so many times. What is WRONG with the people in this profession? Does anyone know of any activist group seeking to make these problems more ‘public’?

    Reply

  • I am paralyzed from depression over the sexual, spirtual, mental abuse my therapist put me though. I didn’t know it was happening at the time. I believe he was using drugs as well. I lost my job and became homeless after working with a company for over 10 years. He told me I would be homeless and he was the only one who could help me. Please email me any imforation to promote my healing. This abused has left me humilated and embarress in front of all my family, friends and strong relationships with work and customers as a sales person.

    Reply

    • Hi April,
      I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through and I understand the trauma and shame you’re experiencing. There is a variety of information and resources on the site (check out the various Resources pages and also scroll down the right column for links). If you’d like to contact me privately with questions, feel free to email me through the Contact page on the site.

      I know you can get through this!
      Best,
      Kristi

      Reply

  • I’ve been experiencing emotional abuse from my therapist since four years. When I noticed it after a year, I went to another therapist but he couldn’t help me. I am suffering deeply right now and dont know what to do or who to go to. He is suddenly refusing to see me, which I know must be a beneficial end for me, but I am deeply hurt. I feel that life can not contine without him. I think of suiciding, and dont know what to do.

    Reply

    • If you’re in crisis, call a clinic, a hotline, or even 911 to get immediate help. (I have a few hotlines listed down on the right sidebar.) Your community should have support for victims of abuse. You can check with the local police station or crisis support center. If you’re spiritual or religious, you could try a local church or spiritual center. You can also contact TELL (http://www.therapyabuse.org) and ask that a responder contact you. I know of several people who have gotten support that way.

      The most important thing right now is for you to get support so that you can get through this time and regain some stability. Ask people you trust for referrals. Then call the referrals, explain the situation, and see what they say. If it doesn’t sound like a good fit or if you experience any red flags, don’t go. Find someone else.

      Hopefully, your family and friends can provide some support and stability for you, too, at this challenging time!

      I know you can make it through!
      Wishing you the best!

      Reply

      • Thank you so much Kristi for your reply, I do really appreciate it. Actually I am from Egypt, and things are quite different here. If there is a car accident in a road, our 911 will not be there unless they know that someone is injured or dead! And ironically, the doctor who abused me is working in an organization that is responsible for inspecting on psychology hospitals. We do not have a committie that inspects or controls individual psychology therapists. So I do not have any other way except filing a complaint at the police, which will affect my and my family’s reputation. Also, I do not have any evidence. How can I prove an emotional abuse?
        My story is too long, so I don’t want to bother you with it. But I know well my case. I read a lot about transference and counter-transference, and I am working with another therapist, but messed out everything when I told him his name, as he is inspecting on him at a hospital he is sharing in.
        Yes, I have spiritual interests, which I am trying my best to lean on these days; it’s my only refugee. Also, yesterday I started planning to have a ten days holiday at Barcelona with my youngest son. I hope it can be a good change. Since two years, in December, I thought that going so far to Niagara falls in US will relief me. The mist was too heavy and I could hardly see the falls. I stood there on the bridge crying.
        Since I do already know my problem, I have already made the number 1001 decision not to contact him again, but my main problem as ever is that I have strong mood swings with irrational thoughts and discisions. I used to take a mood stabilizer for a year, but I didn’t really feel a change, so I stopped it.
        Now, it is 8:30 am in Egypt. I feel optimistic this morning, I mean, this hour! I hope it can last long.
        Thank you for the time you spent reading my words. I do really feel connected along continents with people who understand what I am going through.
        Have a good day!

        Reply

  • I do not know if I am on the right web page, but I trying to find out if my Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor doing right to me. I been seeing her for a long time now. At the beginning she seen me and found out I have PTSD She knew I have a guy in my life that was abusing me mentally and sometime physically. She ask me how he is doing, and made me upset why she asking me. When I mentioned he hurt me to her she said look at the good things he had done for me, and I felt she knew best. I have reported to her he had bruised me and force me to something that I did not want. She always say look at the good he did for me and he did some wonderful things for me. When I asked her why she did not report the bruising because my therapist for my head injury said she needed to report it if my counselor have not. I understand that when my therapist talked to her, she said she did not see a need. I closed my ear and shook my head thinking it is my fault again. This been going on for years. Now I have a cell phone I hid in my clothes and when he moved my other phone, I was able to call the police. Counselor say that I look stress free and more relax. She always ask me to have weekly sections now with me when before it was every two weeks for PTSD. This guy put me under more stress then I knew. I feeling like I can think clearer now but yet I confused because I feel like I do not trust her for my safety any more if this happens again. I am nervous but need to open up for help. thank you

    Reply

    • Hi, Secret,

      I’m not sure whether SurvivingTherapistAbuse.com is exactly the right website for you, but we do our best! Lots of items in your Comment stand out to me, but the most important, I think, is that you “do not trust her [your therapist] for [your] safety any more.” Your very good instincts and insights are peeking out from their hiding place. Please listen to yourself. You make a lot of sense.

      You were upset that your counselor stressed the “good things” the abusive guy in your life did for you. That you were upset at this is a wise, healthy reaction. Abuse is a deal breaker. I cannot imagine why in the world any therapist would suggest that you “look for the good” the abuser has allegedly done for you. Abuse is abuse and should not be tolerated. It is likely true that abusers do some good for the targets of their abuse. If they were all-abusive, all the time, those targets would be likely to escape from them far more quickly, and decisively, than they usually do. Doing some good things draws their targets in close and helps persuade them that the abusers aren’t all bad. And that probably is true. It is also irrelevant.

      Virtually no one is all good or all bad. But abuse itself is all bad, and separating ourselves from people who are handing it out is a smart and healthy thing to do. No one, but no one, has the right to abuse you — not now, not ever. And no one has the right to “force [you] to something that [you] did not want.” And a good therapist, an ethical therapist — someone with up-to-date, comprehensive training and good personal mental health — will always “see a need” to report bruises! I believe the counselor failed badly in her responsibilities to you.

      When you doubt yourself in thinking about these things and say you “felt she knew best,” ask yourself why. Were you persuaded that she knew best because she’s “the therapist”? Because she has a college degree? A professional title? Although lots of mental health practitioners and medical professionals know a good deal about how we human beings work, about what helps us and what hurts us, they are all, finally, just human beings. Their comparative levels of education, experience, understanding, and ethics can vary widely. When you seek help from someone, you need to try hard to get a sense of who they are, what their ethical standards are, and whether that “professional” is actually deserving of the title. Some are; some are not.

      You write that you “are nervous” and “need to open up for help.” Here, you seem to be speaking from a growing sense of your own needs and what should come next as you strive to improve your life and your well-being. You could use some help (that’s nothing to be ashamed of), and you could use some assistance in finding a reliable counselor to deliver that help and work with you to make things better.

      If I were in your shoes, I would look into seeing a different counselor. You referred to a therapist you had for your head injury — the one who wanted to report your injuries. Can you contact that person and ask for help in switching to a counselor who supports your absolute right to safety, your absolute right to be free from abuse? If that doesn’t work, I’d recommend asking a doctor you trust, even someone who is not a mental health practitioner, if he or she can suggest a wise and understanding counselor, especially someone with experience in helping abuse survivors.

      If that still does not produce good results, try Googling “domestic abuse” and your city or state, and see what organizations pop up. Some domestic abuse hotlines and organization websites list the names and contact information of professionals who are especially experienced and skilled in helping survivors of abuse.

      Once you have several names of people you want to contact, do a search for “board of psychological examiners” and/or “board of medical examiners” and your state’s name. Such boards usually are the organizations that grant, or remove, practitioners’ licenses to practice in your state. Check out the people whose names you’ve found on the websites of their professional boards. I would steer clear of anyone who does not have a valid license to practice. These boards often post lists of practitioners who have had complaints lodged against them. Look closely at that, too.

      And, Secret, it is most definitely not “your fault.”

      Reply

  • Hi all,

    I have been the victim of therapist abuse and lost absolutely everything. I went to therapy after a proposal from my partner, and experiencing some very painful traumatic events in my past – I just wanted to move on and be happy.

    I thought myself to be an intelligent, strong woman, and have no idea how I let this happen. I have always been drawn in by strong, powerful women (although I am not gay, I have issues with my Mother!) , she told me immediately that my partner was right for me, that the dream job that I was offered would be terrible for me, that only she could understand me.

    She would be like a dog with a bone at some of my wounds, pushing and pushing until I finally broke down in pieces – then she would have a strange sparkle in her eye, like she was happy she had finally broken me. Then she would compliment me, so I’d leave feeling traumatised but so confused.

    When I lost it all (my wonderful partner and dream job) and my heart, spirit and soul were in the gutter, she called me up and told me that she didnt understand what my ex partner saw in me anyway, and proceeded to reel off all my traumatic experiences , like they were my fault – this was like being stabbed in the stomach. I very nearly killed myself at this point.

    This person told me that some people get into psychology because they are evil and enjoy messing with people’s minds?! Red flag!!

    I suffered such a severe breakdown, that I now suffer from chronic fatigue, I have lost all my zest and power in life – what is the point when there are so many evil people out there?

    I landed the job of my dreams – there is no other place that does what this company does in the UK -and my caring, wonderful partner has gone

    Im giving evidence next month to the ethics committee of where she works so hopefully she will not be able to do this to other poeple again…..

    I am so scared that poeple like that exist and use their ability to understnad the human mind, for their own sick and twisted pleasure…..

    much love to you all

    Reply

    • Hi, Kristina,

      I am so sorry that you were subjected to this miserable experience but very glad, indeed, that you have chosen to give evidence to the ethics committee of this abusive individual’s employer.

      Many years ago, I testified about what had happened to me. And, although it is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, I am exceedingly grateful to myself, decades later, that I did it. It was my confirmation to myself that I was worth the effort and that I could make a start at least in trying to protect other patients from being harmed as I was.

      You mentioned that you now have chronic fatigue, that you have lost all your zest and power. The kind of stress this experience has put you through can have significant effects on your immune system and the other organ systems of your body. (I developed an infected cornea and swollen lymph nodes, feeling very sick for months and months, even wound up in the hospital for tests.) But the human body and the human mind are rich marvels of cosmic bioengineering and composition and function. Your body, your zest, your power – all these can recover. In time, you can develop and generate new zest, new power – all of these can emerge as you learn more, grow further, and become more of your own self. Please try to be patient with yourself. Give yourself some time.

      You wrote that you “thought [your]self to be an intelligent, strong woman.” You still ARE! Any of us can be very strong, and very intelligent, and still be vulnerable to the vile actions of predators. Don’t damn yourself for not knowing everything there is to know about predators and sociopaths or about your own vulnerabilities, for that matter. Until very recently, little was known about these things, and even less was publicly discussed or written about. The predators in the world have largely had an open field. But less so every day.

      You wrote that you have lost “absolutely everything” and that, at one point, you “very nearly killed [your]self.” But the very fact that you wrote to our blog proves that you have not lost everything and you are, courageously, still alive. You have your wonderfully developing self, you have your life, and you have your future. This time, right now, is very tough, I know. But hold yourself close, and give yourself a lot of credit. You are going in exactly the right direction – respecting yourself and, in giving evidence, making a huge contribution to a future world where individuals like your abuser are far less likely to get jobs that put them in positions of power in other folks’ lives.

      You write that there is no other place in the UK that does what your dream job employer does. Maybe so, but that’s only today. Come tomorrow, and next month, and next year, who know what wonderful opportunities might open themselves up to you? A great likelihood exists for a better dream job and a better, more caring partner – perhaps someone with a bit more staying power.

      I don’t know whether you are now in therapy with a new, ethical practitioner or whether you are making it on your own for the time being. But, either way, you can get better. If you work to examine what happened with this woman and how what she did interacted with the hurts you’ve been carrying around inside, you may well learn a great deal about yourself, about how to spot individuals like her in the future, and about how to avoid being “drawn in” again. We can all learn how to see potential abusers for what they are, rather than for what we hope they might be and for the “false advertising” they throw out there. You can learn how the trauma in your earlier life has affected you and what you might need to do to understand yourself better and grow stronger and more insightful from those experiences.

      And know that you are not alone. There are more and more of us who are standing up to share our experiences, to press professional and legislative bodies around the world to pass laws that recognize and prosecute the damaging crimes that have been committed against us, and to educate legislators and the public about the profound significance of all this.

      You wrote, “[W]hat is the point when there are so many evil people out there?” For those of us who have had painful experiences like yours, who have suffered injury from these weak, abusive people, the point is to do exactly what you are doing – working to recover yourself as you would from any terrible disease and giving yourself comfort and rest and nutrition of all you need – so you can have your life, build a new present and a future, and revel in the joy of that.

      Perhaps equally important is that you are aware enough, and spiritually generous enough, to give evidence before a deliberative body that functions to stop abusers; that you are speaking out against apathy toward these criminals (and I do believe they are criminals); and that you are working to educate others so they can spot them, too, before they get too close. I congratulate you for that, and I hope you will, too.

      Please, Kristina, let us know how things go, and how you are getting on. We’ll be here.

      Reply

  • I live next door to a Therapist/Counsler who agreed to see me and my 11 year old niece in exchange for doing LAWN CARE. After I spilled my deepest darkest secrets of my Child hood sexual Abuse to her, and told her the danger i was in as my abuser and my half brother they have threatened my life in the past if I report or do anything about it, she knew the dangers, yet when i had to move back home and live with my Step father who abused me in my childhood, we got into it over the Grass, they cut our grass down and burned it up and their kids were throwing baseballs and rocks at our new CARS and Trucks, so i confronted them very nice in a text and asked them to please don’t cut our grass so low, in return i got cursed out in the text message by her husband and then she came home later at 5 pm and cursed me right in front of my dad and then she started speaking the private things I had told her about the abuse to my dad and in front of the neigherhood, I could not believe that she would do that to me, she put me in a very dangerous position by doing that. She walked right up to my dad got in his face and looked back at me and started screaming out all of the things I told her about the abuse, after 3 hours of screaming and talking that went on she told me that if we think we have one up on her with the grass well she has one up on us, she was saying she wants my dad to know she is watching him and she has one up on him. If she was so concerned about it why didn’t she say something ONE YEAR AGO when I told her about it. She still talked to my dad they still had been nice to him and treated him like a nice neighbor until we got mad over the GRASS they burn up and all i did was send a text asking them to please not cut our grass so SHORT and burn it up because i am spending $1000.00 so far on Lawn Care, and in return I get cursed out and she breaks the LAW by telling my abuser anything about our private conversations and our counseling sessions. Does any one know how I should handle this, because now they are harassing me and my dad he is now 75 and I am disabled because of my childhood, my dad is elderly and he has no one else that will help him so I have to help him and I cannot afford to live on my own on SSA. Any help would be greatly appreciated, they are harrassing us and they have threatened us and the other neighbors around them, our neighbors are being woken up at all hours of the night and at 5 am with their Mustang that sounds like and AIRPLANE JET and they have made threats to any of us who try and complain out them and the things that go on at their home. They continue to abuse my property and I went to my therapist and told her what she had done and she told me she had broken the rules. It has affected me a great deal caused me to relive some events and it brought up things again that I thought I had a handle on , but everytime they do something else I get sick and my nerves cannot handle anymore. I am stuck taking care of my abuser and that is tuff enough on me without my Therapist or Counseler screaming out my abuse to my abuser and GOD and Everyone else in the neighborhood.
    HELP !!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply

  • How about…

    –Therapist often creates “awkward silences” in your conversations that you feel compelled to fill. You feel that getting a reply or response or acknowledgement out of him/her is like pulling teeth. The therapist may say that s/he is just being a good listener.

    –The therapist makes you feel like s/he pities you, feels bad for you, or feels sorry for you. NB it can be hard to distinguish this from genuine sympathy.

    –The therapist suggests treatments/therapies based on what has worked well for his/her family members or friends.

    –The therapist badmouths a family member or friend of yours or even tries to diagnose or analyze the person without ever having met them.

    –The therapist downplays your strengths and makes you feel that you are not really good at being a functioning adult. (This is probably the very reason behind the existence of “re-parenting” therapy.)

    –Therapist does not actually violate your boundaries, but kind of offers to, e.g., offering to be one of your references on a job application.

    –Therapist emphasizes how bad your problems are without offering any real solutions and makes it seem like “validation” or “active listening.”

    –By contrast, the therapist may minimize your problems (like major traumas) and trivialize your feelings.

    –Here’s a biggie. The therapist takes credit for insights or breakthroughs that you have made all by yourself or with another person.

    –The therapist can never, ever be wrong. Admitting mistakes, flaws, or wrongdoing and apologizing is anathema. (NB “I’m sorry you feel that way” is NOT a real apology.)

    –The therapist uses jargon not just in excess but as a defense mechanism when you call him/her out on something, e.g., saying “It’s interesting that you think I’m not a good therapist” rather than being honest and saying “I’m really pissed off that you think I’m not a good therapist.”

    –Therapist makes you feel, whether directly or through insinuations, that any physical health conditions you may have are really just a result of somatization.

    –Therapist stonewalls you.

    –Therapist refuses to address concerns that you have about a particular treatment not being right for you.

    –Therapist lies or denies ever having said things that you absolutely know s/he said.

    –Therapist seems excessively preoccupied with covering his/her a… and not losing face.

    –Therapist treats you in a way that makes you feel patronized, infantilized, or less than equal.

    –You frequently end your sessions thinking, “Well, that was a waste.”

    –You find yourself making excuses for your therapist’s behavior, like, “She really means well…he just wants me to shape up and see me succeed, that’s why he’s so tough with me…she’s trying hard to understand me, even if she doesn’t really get it right now…he is a good person underneath it all, even if he has flaws…I know she likes me, she told me so, so what if she did XYZ…”

    –Therapist discourages “fantasizing” about the job/lover/life of your dreams.

    –Therapist believes in panaceas.

    –You sometimes end your sessions thinking, “I shouldn’t have told him/her that. I revealed too much. I feel exposed.”

    –Therapist makes you feel like you need his/her approval and want him/her to be proud of you.

    –Therapist makes you feel, whether directly or implicitly, that you have no real control over your life and that unsatisfactory circumstances are the best you can hope for and you should just deal with it.

    –Therapist fails to recognize major instances of transference/subconscious feelings surfacing in unhealthy ways/whatever in your life and you have to come to these conclusions by yourself. S/he seems unimpressed, patronizing, chilly, or even angry when s/he learns about these breakthroughs.

    –Therapist seems to have a bias toward a certain lifestyle, belief system, religion or lack thereof, etc.

    –Therapist invalidates your own personal safety concerns, e.g., trying to force a person to reconnect with an abuser or enter into a setting where abuse might occur.

    –Therapist invalidates your emotional safety concerns, e.g., trying to force a person to forgive an abuser when they don’t want to.

    –Therapist makes you feel like a whiner.

    –Therapist makes you feel excessively self-conscious.

    –Therapist seems “like a family member” to you, even if you are not personally involved beyond the therapy setting.

    –You feel overshadowed by the therapist.

    –Therapist seems to encourage passivity.

    I’m sure I missed a few that I had in mind and will only remember them after I click the “submit” button.

    Reply

    • These are excellent! Thank you so much for sharing!

      Reply

      • Thank you. Glad to be of help.

        Reply

      • Thank you. Glad I could be of help.

        Also, when I said that some therapists will over-emphasize your problems and make you feel hopeless, and some will minimize your problems and trivialize you, please keep in mind that there are some therapists who are talented enough at being horrible to do BOTH.

        Reply

  • Well, I was right. Here are two that I forgot.

    –You feel like you are walking on eggshells with your therapist.

    –You have come to dread or fear your appointments.

    –Or, by contrast, you feel that your therapist is the center of your life.

    –Therapist seems incapable of differential diagnosis, e.g., treating severe bipolar disorder as ADHD or treating PTSD as “codependency.”

    –Therapist insists that the reason your treatment isn’t working is because you don’t want it to work.

    –Therapist seems over-reliant on pharmaceuticals.

    –Or, by contrast, s/he tells you to stop taking medications that you do indeed find helpful, or even life-saving.

    –Therapist seems to side with someone who has been abusive to you because that person shares the therapist’s belief system, religion, gender, whatever.

    Reply

  • Oh and one more thing–

    Over the course of your treatment, you have come to feel like you have lost your inner compass, direction, purpose, goals, dreams, life focus, or identity. This is perhaps the most important thing.

    Reply

  • I keep thinking of other criteria, like this:

    –The therapist breaks boundaries by mailing things to you at your private home, even (make that especially) if you have expressly told him/her not to do so.

    Reply

  • my psychiatrist borrowed money from me I also done work at her house me and is now refusing to pay me back she did sign papers stating that she owes me this money and recently dated and signed a paper stating that she was going to pay me back.earlier this month and now she won’t return my calls or contact me in any way is there any legal action that I can take

    Reply

    • I would recommend talking to an attorney. You may be able to pursue this in small claims court.
      Good luck!

      Reply

      • Your State has a Professions and Occupations Investigations Unit.

        Just Google the name of your state + Professions and Occupations Investigations Unit. Fill out the complaint form as thoroughly as possible. DO NOT OMIT ANYTHING.
        This is serious!

        Reply

  • Hello,

    I had about 50 sessions with my first psychotherapist, in about 1.5 years.
    She also suggested that if I needed I could e-mail her with my thoughts, feelings. I did e-mail her often, and she would reply to me…I did not count all e-mails we exchanged, but they are hundreds.

    About 1.5 years after therapy (in person and by e-mail), I still felt like therapy was not helping me. On the contrary, I had now very strong migraines on a daily basis, which I never had before therapy. I also felt very helpless. In spite of that, I really felt like my therapist was the only person in the world who could help me. And all my life evolved around therapy and my therapist. And I cut much of my communication with my parents (with my father I cut totally, with my mother not totally, but quite a lot).

    And because I believed my therapist was the only person in the world who could help me, I kept going on and on with therapy, and I kept feeling worse and worse, and my frustration with therapy was growing more and more, and so I confronted my therapist about it: I told her I felt like she was not helping me, on the contrary, I felt like I had been spending my time, my emotions and my money on therapy, for 1.5 years, and I was not getting better. I told her I had this hope that she was going to help me, and that this hope made me go on and on with therapy.

    At that session she replied normally and her answers made sense to me. However, in our immediate next session, I was shocked. She told me she thought about everything I said, and that we needed to stop treatment. “We need to stop, because I can not help you anymore. We both know how hard I tried to help you, I tried so much harder with you than with most of my clients. But I can not help you because you have very serious problems. I think you might need to be hospitalized in a clinic.” She gave me the name and number of an specialized institution which treats mental diseases, and suggested I contact them.

    I was so shocked, I could not believe it. I tried saying everything I could to make her not terminate treatment with me. But she said her decision was taken. Afterwards, I thought she was being very professional in admitting she could not help me and to refer me to another place. And I started believing I had serious problems. I started believing I was a lost case. I started doubting myself. Do I really have such serious mental problems? And I felt so rejected by her, and I felt like my rejection was all my fault. I thought: if I did not have such serious mental problems, I would not have been rejected by my therapist.

    This was about 1 year ago. After 3 months waiting for a first appointment, 6 months waiting for a diagnosis, and a few more months waiting for a therapist to treat me, I am now starting treatment in the institution suggested by my first therapist. During the waiting time for the diagnostic, I have been doing supportive therapy at the same institution, but I did not start any type of deep therapy, because I needed to be diagnosed first. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but my diagnosis also told me that I am doing pretty well for someone with this disease, because I have a very good control over my emotions.

    I did not need to be hospitalized in any clinic at any point. Even during the first 3 months waiting for an appointment, I was in total pain from the rejection and from feeling like I was not normal, and I still did not need to be hospitalized.

    Only now I start thinking that my therapist was very unprofessional in the way she terminated things with me. And I start also thinking of other unprofessional things she might have made:
    – I had two of my friends going to the same therapist, and both my therapist and me and my friends acknowledge this. Do you think it is acceptable if my therapist called me by the name of my friend 3 times?
    – Do you think it is normal that my therapist tells me she also had siblings rivalry with her sister, when I told her about my story of siblings rivalry with my own sister?

    I am now very scared to trust another therapist. I am afraid that they will reject me at the most crucial point of my therapy. I just hope I can get over my fears.

    Thank you for listening to me.

    Reply

    • My take: She rejected you when you stopped being compliant, controllable and malleable and stood up to her on an equal level. Her poor fragile little ego couldn’t take that and she tried to tear you down by having you institutionalized out of spite. She needed to be needed, and when you told her the jig was up, she behaved in a most unethical way.

      As for calling you by your friend’s name, she should know who the hell she is talking to. That says that all patients serve the same interchangeable function for her.

      Reply

    • By the way, this therapist isn’t in the Southwest by any chance, is she?

      Reply

  • Idk what or if i should do anything. A lot of the things listed were broken and my wife and i are now seperated. A lot of it has to do with her therapist. Ibe seen emails, social contact (alone) during and after treatment. Constant texting durimg and after treatment, he says “call me when you feel lime cheatimg and i’ll talk you through it” his private cell. And theirs many other thimgs as well. I feel this man has ruined my life and it drove me to suicide attempts. I was told i myself can sue him for my grief. Idk. My exwife refuses to talk about it with mr. My daughters been to his house with her and him. I tried to let it go but its ruining my life and im now back on drugs to cope, oh and i am a certified addictiins counsellor and this man was my therapist for over a year befire i introduced my wife to him. Oh and he has alreadt been accused of this by two other ladies as well. Im about at my end here and idk what tondo its hard just writing this i miss my family and just want them back in myblige. I have aboslutly nothimg now i lost everything. I feel this mental health therapist is to blamme for my family seperating. Can anyone please help me. I need some direction or advice.
    Its hurts so bad. Im sorry.
    Im afriad he will say something as he was my therapist before my wifes.

    Reply

    • Hi Jack,
      I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through! I generally suggest that people contact an attorney to see what their options are. There are several listed on the Legal resources page on the website; some work in multiple states or can possibly refer you to someone in your area. The consultation should be free.

      If you need to be in communication with someone for support, I often suggest going to the TELL website (www.therapyabuse.org) and contacting one of their email responders. There are several in North America and you may find someone to offer you email support.

      All the best!
      Kristi

      Reply

  • Funny, Im up not able to sleep thinking about how things went down with my former therapist. She told me she loved me many times. … that I was one of her favorite clients. We emailed, text messaged or talked on the phone almost everyday for years. We frequented the same AA meetings and sat together. She always hugged me and sometimes rubbed my back. It all went crazy when I told her I felt “too close” to be doing therapy with her because I really came to feel like I loved her and I do still feel this…. and I miss her…. and it really sucks. I can not seem to find closure here.

    Reply

  • Oh, she also use to call me “little girl” and sometimes even “her little girl”… and “I wish I could take you home with me…” I feel like sometimes I will never forget this, how at first how wonderful that felt and touched my heart…. and then how it seemed to break it wide open. Sometimes I feel insane because now she pretends none of this really happened and she was just a “former therapist” and I’m a sick exclient…. as we still see each other in passing at AA… and everytime I feel my heart break again.

    Reply

    • Hi Ann,
      I’m not surprised you’re having a hard time. This therapist really crossed the line in creating an attachment and emotional bond with you. Do you feel able to go to another therapist who can help you deal with the repercussions of her boundary violations?

      Reply

  • I had a bad therapist, almost all the mind control symptoms were there, nothing but that really. After seeing him about 6 months or longer i had a breakdown, ended up in legal trouble/jail for the first time ever and this whole year has gone downhill, i lost everything including my apartment i had for 4 years and my cat i had for 9 years, i miss her. I been in and out of the hospitals this past year also. I remember a session where i walked in and was already angry at the therapist for some reason and snapped at him, he talked his way out and i apologized, he laughed at me and asked if i felt like i was in a movie. Another time i was obviously under hypnosis and was talking, he said something in response and then slapped his hands together in front of my face and it made me jump. Most of the times i was under hypnosis though i was not able to speak, well towards the end anyway. I have now been diagnosed with DID and ptsd and really do feel like im in a movie. Im bitter and angry, i blame and have a seething hate for him. Im also suicidal a lot due to the situation im in, i spent some time in a homeless shelter and even on the street because of this. I dont know why he did this but if he knew what hes caused im sure he would get a thrill out of it. Thats how i feel anyway. I dont know why he used the hypnosis on me without telling me.

    Reply

  • The hypnosis he did without my permission led to a recovered memory of something id have been better off never knowing.

    Reply

  • Lynn, some recovered memories are real and some are not. Only you can say whether or not there is genuine evidence of whatever it is that you remember, or whether or not family and friends have confirmed whatever it is. If not, I suggest you go to YouTube and check out the PBS Frontline special “Divided Memories.” As a matter of fact, I think a lot of the people on this thread should watch part 3 of the documentary in particular so they can see what creepy, abusive therapy looks like.

    Reply

  • I will eventually, I’m looking for a 2nd job to actually pay for therapy right now. lol. I’m a student with a part time minimum wage job right now. I am “ok”. I kept trying to talk to and make things right with this therapist by owning my part of the situation because I did lash out very harshly at her a lot of times in trying to somehow resolve things with us and when I couldn’t I got ugly and regret that. She told me today that because of that and my relentlessness there, that I was the one who put the wedge between us and so she needed to be guarded with me in order not to be hurt. I feel badly about at and wish I’d handled things differently with her, but I didn’t and I was just trying to see what I could do to make things better. Apparently I can not do anything here except give it to God and do my best to move on. If I didn’t care about her it wouldn’t be as hard and if I didn’t care this never would have actually happened. It’s a weird situation we did get close in a way we shouldn’t have for the situation, but it happened, and when I was honest about it and tried to sort it out with her, it went to hell even more…. it was like she could not own her part or see things from my perspective. I suppose it could be hard to admit, being in her position, I should not have pushed her so hard to see what I feel like was her part…. that wasn’t my place to do…. but I was deeply hurt and acting out of that place.

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    • She sounds as if she may be a narcissist. And narcissists are not capable of taking responsibility or owning their part in things — it’s always someone else’s fault. So if you try to approach the situation as though you two were in a mature relationship, it’s not likely to work. You can’t reason with a narcissist or get them to see your side of things. They don’t have the empathic ability for that. There was nothing you could have done to “make things better.” It’s like trying to reason with a wall. Just understand that this was not your fault; it was not your responsibility to manage the boundaries or contain the relationship, it was hers. What she did was wrong. Unfortunately, now you get to deal with the aftermath of her abusive actions, so I encourage you to get the care and support you need. Don’t be afraid to ask therapists if they have reduced fees or a sliding scale for those on a low income. Some may have a few reduced fee slots available.
      All the best!
      Kristi

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  • I watched that vid and oddly enough, it reminded me more of that holding therapy and my adopted parents than that therapist last year. That rage reduction crap went on and i had a bunch of stuff that my bio mom supposedly did that had nothing to do with me thrown in my face and was even yelled at that i was turning out like her. Most of those 2 weeks i dont even remember. Anyway, the recovered memory is real, i started feeling off when i was alone with my perpetrator even before i started that therapy last year, my perpetrators are my whole adopted family not including extended, just the people who lived in the house with me. Every march now i have more and more memories even though i havent seen this therapist in awhile now, my memory seems to be coming back on its own now and it is devastating. I believe i was taken to holding therapy to cover up what happened by just blaming my behaviors on my bio mom. I was always taken to a psychologist my dad was friends with outside the office most of the time i was growing up. That last day of holding therapy i was forced to look into a black strip with green lights going across it and the therapist just kept screaming at me over and over what did i see and alls i saw was green lights and told him so, the answer seemed to satisfy him. Not sure if i was hypnotized or what. I dont know if that therapist from last year was trying to help or not anymore, i remember telling him the holding therapy was traumatic for me and that my parents always made me look like the bad guy yet never told the things they did and of course i didnt remember what they had done, all i knew was they treated me like garbage as long as i could remember, especially my mother who never had or still has a kind or positive word for me. I feel like im in an age regression and stuck back at the age i had blocked out in my mind. Maybe that therapist did this so i could remember and work through it to get better, i dont know. Even though that therapist and the one before said holding therapy is abuse, anytime i mention it to my parents they laugh me off and say that doctor was very good to me.

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  • I have no one to confirm this stuff with because for some reason i am not allowed to know about, really the only side of the family that is still living they never seemed to be on good terms with and i was never allowed to meet any of them. They also never really had many close friends that i can remember and the ones they did have over the years they dont seem to keep in close contact with anymore. They have been friends with a couple for the past couple years now but that seems to be it.

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  • Thank You. Helps to hear it’s not my fault because that’s the biggest challenge for me in all of this, feeling like it was my fault. It’s difficult sometime but I do have support. If anything the good that’s come out of this, is that it has helped me to become closer to people in AA and start building new friendships there and getting closer to the people who have already been… being there for me the last few years in the program. It’s also deepened my yoga and meditation practice. I still wish I’d not been as harsh towards her as I was when I was struggling with the feelings it left me with but yea… just gotta let that go.

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  • I was treated very badly by an NHS counselling psychologist.
    He had (unchecked) counter transference reactions toward me.
    He became very sadistic (hostile counter transference).
    I complained to the BPS and the NHS healthcare trust and he did his very best to discredit and pathologize me.
    Then,adding insult to my already considerable injury, he wrote about me in a textbook called The Handbook of Professional and Ethical Practice for Psychologists Psychotherapists and Counsellors.
    He attempted to use the text book as a vehicle to try to clear his name amongst his colleagues.
    He knew he had been unfairly abusive to me and didn’t feel good about anyone being under the impression that this is how he was. He had been ostracised by some of his direct co-workers at the NHS Trust (they saw through him) he was desperate to re-secure his standing with them.

    In the textbook he described me as ‘delusional’ and implied I was a vindictive nutter who had a prior history of fabricating complaints against health professionals.False allegations against therapists are extremely rare as is “delusional transference” however almost everyone seemed more than willing to accept his version of events and take everything he said at face value.
    It happened in 1999 and (in a way) I do feel quite sorry for him because he is an inadequate self deluded liar who gets his jollies deliberately sexualizing therapy sessions and bullying vulnerable women.His contribution to the ‘Handbook of Professional and Ethical Practice’ is entitled ‘Complaints Professional and Ethical Considerations’.

    Yes he was most definitely a moralist” who didnt follow his own sermons.

    I did make a formal complaint to the British Psychological Society that he had written about me in a very negative dishonest and self serving way in the textbook.
    My complaint was not upheld by the BPS as apparently he had sufficiently anonymised -he had not mentioned my name, gender, ethnicity ,age etc.
    In his chapter Complaints- Professional and Ethical Considerations he describes me as “challenging”-He interpreted my behaviour as challenging because I point blank refused to play out the role of supplicant in fact he took extreme personal umbrage when I made it very clear to him he was not the centre my Universe.

    In our treatment sessions seemed to greatly enjoy being the one with the upper hand, at least APPEARING to be – but it was a smoke screen to hide his deep insecurities and the nature of human interaction is that you can fool some of the people some of the time but you cant fool all of the people all of the time.
    In my case I picked up on his body language and (much to his annoyance) continually questioned his words and actions he was perceptive enough to realise when the smoke screen wasnt working-he couldnt achieve a sense of interpersonal mastery with regard to me.
    The other young female clients in the waiting area were enjoying the sexualized sessions and dressing up to see him (low necklines short skirts lots of skin on show)-I just couldn’t lower myself to use my body, flash my legs and cleavage for his attention.

    The therapist seemed to be keen to wanted to ‘conquer me’.
    My enforcement of boundaries proved to be an irresistible challenge for him because his other young female clients were flirting with him and he was smug that he had them turning up for sessions in short skirts.
    He said he was impressed that I had higher standards for myself and he was attracted to the ‘innocence’ in my mannerisms.I think he felt more of a subconscious emotional link with me because he couldnt manipulate me like the others.
    He demonstrated a severe Whore/Madonna complex.

    When I told him I was leaving ,’abandoning him’,(he describes my departure in the text book as an ‘abrupt termination’) he became distressed and angry.
    But it was never really about me personally – merely the fact that I triggered him to face his own issues and one of those issues is abandonment, but not by me personally, more to do with something he buried a long time ago that keeps struggling to the surface when certain interactions – such as the one with me.
    I pressed the right buttons and received the full force of his narcissistic wrath.

    I ended up being re-victimized by the complaints process.
    Healthcare institutions like the NHS seem to have dysfunctional dynamics in operation that fall badly on abused clients & complainants.
    When I made my complaint(s) I experienced the phenomenons known as ‘closing of ranks’ and ‘blame the victim’ especially from ‘professionals’ who had never even met him.
    Some remained neutral (professional neutrality) because I was so traumatized and vulnerable that neutrality wounded me.

    His wife ,who worked as a clinical psychologist in the same organization, helped him write about me.Protecting and enabling the abusive therapist-its as morally repugnant as the abuse itself.He used her like a criminal uses an accomplice.

    There used to be a London based organisation called POPAN told me my experience was one of the worst cases of orchestrated psychological abuse they had ever come across.

    They did some excellent work on behalf of people abused by health professionals.

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    • Fiona, thank you for sharing your difficult story. If you know of any current UK organizations that deal with this type of abuse, please let us know.

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  • this list doesn’t have what my therapist did to me. she would manipulate me into telling her things i wasn’t ready to share, and blamed me when i was assaulted by another patient. i don’t want to talk about it.

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  • My psychiatrist either subtly or openly recommend that I go back home while I am struggling so much to make settlement here. I’ve been scapegoated by my family and I am currently schooling here to achieve my degree but he strongly insists that I go back home and he doesn’t even recognize that I am schooling. He is very cold, distant and sarcastic about my treatment and knows how to insult in a very subtle manner. It seems like he enjoys every moment I expose my failures or go frustrated because of my short comings. I try to be extremely polite not to offend him but his only agenda is to leave Canada and go back home. I feel mentally exploited and exhausted after my session. I have no idea what to do and I feel so left alone and feel like I have no one to turn to.

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    • Yes, this therapist sounds extremely abusive. It’s no wonder you feel exhausted after your session! I suggest you stop seeing him right away because he is doing you more harm than good. Do you have any friends or acquaintances who could give you a recommendation for someone else? Does the school have a health center? Is there someone there you could speak with? If you’re spiritual, you could also try speaking with someone from your spiritual community. You can also go to the TELL website (www.therapyabuse.org) and email them asking to be in touch with one of the responders — perhaps being in touch with someone by email would give you enough support until you can find a new therapist.

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  • Thank you so much for your comment. I’ll check with the website you suggested. I am hopeful I may get some help. Thank you, Ms. Kristi.

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  • I just recently found out that my therapist of 14 years is not a real therapist/doctor. I’m so messed up right now. I went to her 14 years ago for marriage counseling and from there she befriended be and on top of that her and her husband are pastors of a church. My therapist and I became really close like mother and daughter and our sessions became for formal. I trusted her with everything. Every move I made I consulted her first on and whatever she told me to do I did it. Then our relationship stated to become toxic about 3 years ago and I stopped talking to her but I kept running back to her and still today she constantly wants to know I don’t miss her or want to spend time with her. This prompted me to look more into her back ground and I found out she has no phd and she is not a dr at all. She has been lying to me and others for years. She doesn’t know that I found this out and i don’t know what to do. I’m hurting and devastated by this. Can someone please help me?

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  • My therapist has told me that he worries about me all the time that he’s afraid that I will kill my self that he will come in one week for our session and I will not be there becaise I will have killed myself, he said a that he likes me and cares about me when I asked him about this do you think he’s to attached?

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    • Hi Brittany,

      I’m wondering if he has any basis for concern that you may be suicidal, or if he’s saying these things out of the blue. Certainly, you don’t want a therapist to be putting thoughts of suicide in your head. If that’s the case, then I encourage you to get a referral for someone else.

      Since I’m not a therapist myself, I can’t give you professional advice, only my opinion. If you are concerned about attachment or even possible abuse on the part of your therapist, I strongly encourage you to consult with another therapist for guidance.

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  • I am so torn. I recently went to counseling today at my school. We spoke about my therapist who saw me for five years. I stopped seeing him in march because I felt that I was better. . . I always denied to my friends that he would abuse me mentally but he did. My counselor got me to open up about how treated me and all the wrong things he would say to me. I want to tell my father but I am so afraid to even speak up. I’m scared of the reaction. I need input please, someone help

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    • Hi Kiara,

      Here’s my personal opinion on this. Abuse victims often find it very helpful to speak out and tell the truth about what happened, but it’s important to do this when you’re ready and not push yourself into it. The people we choose to tell may be supportive, but they may also have a reaction that challenges or upsets us. So it’s important to have some resources in place for personal support. When you have someone you trust and can rely on (perhaps your counselor?), then you can stretch your comfort zone in starting to tell other people. I can’t tell you whether to tell your father, because it depends on the kind of relationship you have with him and how strong and resourced you’re currently feeling.

      One place you may find some additional support is through the website TELL (http://www.therapyabuse.org). If you email them they can put you in touch with responders who can provide some support via email. Of course, you’re also welcome to post about your situation on this website, too.

      All the best,
      Kristi

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  • Hi kristi,
    I had a quick question, what about texting your therapist? Is this crossing boundaries? My therapist texted me while he was on vacation and asked me how I was doing, and also texted me some pictures of him skiing, he has recently went on another vacation this time for 2 weeks and he asked me if u would be ok and I told him yes and he said that I could text him if I needed to and that he may not beable to reply right away because he wouldn’t have much service but he would text back when he could. Does this sound appropriate to you?

    Jessica

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    • Hi Jessica,

      Here is my current opinion about texting. If you call/email/text your therapist and the therapist texts you a response, to let you know your message was received, perhaps offer a bit of support — that’s fine. If your therapist texts you regarding an appointment (like to confirm a time, reschedule, etc.), that’s okay. But if a therapist texts you, especially if it’s out of the blue, and writes something unrelated to therapy, that’s another matter. A therapist shouldn’t be texting you about their personal life unless it somehow relates to therapy or is in response to something you were asking or talking about. (For example, telling you their kid is sick and they have to cancel an appointment or saying they’re having a great trip when you’ve asked them how their vacation is.) There are a lot of grey areas here, both ways, so take that into account. If you are troubled or have concerns about your therapist’s texts, then do bring it up in therapy. That’s what I want everyone to take away here: If you are concerned or wondering about anything, BRING IT UP. Don’t make assumptions or excuse it. Get curious. ASK.

      Hope this helps!
      Kristi

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  • Phrases that may be used to groom a patient for abuse (sexual or otherwise):

    “You have trust issues” (Translation: “You need to trust me unconditionally, even if the things I say or do make you feel bad”)

    “You need to step outside your comfort zone” (“You need to ignore your intuition when my behavior makes you profoundly uncomfortable”)

    “You have rigid boundaries” (“Allow me to break them”)

    “You have intimacy issues” (“…and the best way to resolve them is by sleeping with me”)

    “You have trouble accepting love and affection” (“ditto”)

    “You have a tendency to blame others instead of trying to understand your role in co-creating a situation” (“After I have abused you, remember that it was all your fault”)

    “You are heavily codependent” (“Repeat after me: ‘I am helpless without my therapist, I am helpless without my therapist, I am helpless without my therapist’…”)

    “Telling someone off is an inappropriate way to express anger. You should just walk away peacefully and not let the other person bother you and think about positive things.” (“Whatever you do, for God’s sake, don’t sue.”)

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  • Thanks for this list. I wish I had read it when I was in treatment, I could tick so many of these off. It’s shocking what I thought was acceptable. I fell for my persistent therapist after he gave me loads of gifts and flattery, telling me how special I am. While I was in treatment he pretended to be someone else and chatted me up on a dating site. I’m still very traumatised by the experience.

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  • I don’t think everything on this list is bad. I think it’s important as a client that the therapist see you as human and not over stress boundaries. Yes, boundaries are good, but man, it is nice to hear you are special. That’s just one of a few I don’t agree with. We, therapists and clients are both human.

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  • Nice is not always the same as good. Some people would say it is nice to hear that you are pretty or sexy as well, but your therapist should NEVER be the one to tell you that. And I have heard “only human” too often as an excuse for bad behavior.

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  • Also, do you see how this can quickly turn into a form of emotional blackmail? “You are special…I care about you…I would never abandon you…I will always be there for you…you are like a family member to me…now you must not bite the hand that feeds you. Be grateful to me, for I am a role model who has given you so much and you are only a lost little child. You must do exactly as I say, otherwise you will lose all my affection and warmth, and my presence in your life is the only thing in your life that is keeping you afloat and mentally healthy.” This is not usually explicitly stated by the abusive therapist, but it is there.

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  • Hi,
    My therapist has told me that he is afraid of being alone and dying alone, I told him that his wife would be there and he said that she never answers Her phone when he calls her I said why he said because she is always to busy and that he is afraid that if he’s dying that she won’t be there, which I think is sad, but I feel like maybe he shared to much with me, he said that we spend a bunch of time together so maybe that’s why he felt like he could confide in me. I understand that we can’t be friends and I feel sort of attached to him and in not sure what I should do I’m just looking for advice

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    • Hi Jamie,
      It was really inappropriate for your therapist to share that with you. It put you in the position of attending to his needs, which is something a therapist should never do. It sounds like he may be quite depressed and that may be jeopardizing his ability to hold appropriate boundaries. You may want to express your concerns to him and also consider getting a referral for another therapist.
      ~Kristi

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  • Hi,
    I am neurotic and have been in various therapies and ‘belief groups’ over the years. I am a boarding school survivor. I am a child centered father and grandfather. I now side on the atheistic, though I am NOT a PRIEST for atheism (!) I have had much training in counseling, facilitation and personality typing. I use these skills in life and my very small carpentry business.
    After a very long and tumultuous relationship with my partner we split up on her instigation (We ran our small business together which suffered greatly due to the recession and complex industry issues leading up to it). I had a breakdown (breakthrough) which is ongoing, I cry a lot and I’m worried I may be stuck in abreaction. All the signs and all the reasons to split up were there and I knew it. My partner was right to ask for separation. What I am communicating about now is the questionable therapy she was having during the last three years of our relationship.
    I am on this website precisely because I have discovered many worrying things about psychotherapy. Most of all there is STILL NO UNIFIED THEORY of the human psyche and various ‘schools’ of psychology train therapists who then offer a hugely diverse variety of STYLES and METHODOLOGIES. Virtually NO therapists agree on CAUSES (of disorders) and it seems to me without identifying causes (of disorders) there will continue to be a Large GREY AREA into which insincere charlatans will be able to creep.
    Worse still, there may be GREY AREAS where (so called) well meaning “Have A Go Jos” (or Joannas) ‘experiment’ with their ‘pseudo empathy’ in order to enhance their own self esteem.
    My ex partners therapist is a leading Buddhist Meditation Nun in the city I live in and uses a variety of techniques including Gestalt, Family Constellations and Feminist Politics.

    (I hasten to add that I was/still am a feminist sympathiser and spent many years examining my own ‘mother boundedness’ and trying where possible to collaborate with women. Aaaand I admit I have a love/hate, push/pull relationship with women. . . I am still working it all out). . .

    After sessions my partner would return and soon arguments would break out. At first I could not understand why but within a short period, say three months I began expecting these arguments and tried where possible to defend myself and also to answer the difficult questions my ex was raising.
    I was then (as now) in counseling with an excellent therapist who does not drape me or offer advice, nor does he ‘hand out literature’.
    These difficult questions coming from my ex were partially legitimate but to this day unanswerable because they always posed me as the abuser and my ex as her own rescuer. To put it bluntly I began to feel that my ex had found a new way to avoid her responsibilities and was allowing her therapist to ‘coach’ her into an empowerment based on vindicating me as her perpetrator in the relationship; IE: anything and everything I said and did was reported back to her therapist and with a spin then subsequently thrown back in my face on return from sessions. I couldn’t do anything right and became the “Problem”. All my female friends began siding with her and I became isolated. . . My male friends demonstrated their misogyny by saying: “Well, what do you expect from women”?
    Meanwhile the recession was approaching (2007/8) and the focus seemed to be on ME and not how to get out of serious financial problems soon enough.
    All these ‘accusations’ had a grain of truth in them of course. So, it became impossible for me to respond without either vindicating my exes newly acquired ‘feminist / family constellations doctrine’ or appearing obtuse. I couldn’t win.

    I finally lost the plot when told (well, lets say “suggested”) I had to read two books both based on Piagets theory of the four stages of development, I already knew the theory! So did my ex! These books suggested that we could recognise co & counter dependent traits and “re-learn” appropriate behaviours. In particular I was made to believe I had sex problems which WERE THE CAUSE of my partners frigidity. And of course I do have sex problems and blame myself. How many women & men are deeply insecure around sex? I can’t see that me or my ex were/are more or less than averagely neurotic in this respect but somehow thanks to the intervention of this so called ‘psychotherapist’ I was targeted with the responsibility to be even MORE LOVING in the sack than I was before.

    I have concluded (in tears) that my ex has been brainwashed. She is still not happy despite getting the house, our daughter, a new boyfriend and all our previous friends to take sides with her (they are all “New Age Devotees” of one sort of another).
    The brainwashing I believe she has had is basically an ENFORCED DRAMA TRIAD. Somebody MUST be the perpetrator; somebody must be the rescuer and somebody else the victim.
    I feel my ex and her therapist should have addressed our need to separate from the outset. We had both agreed we were incompatible. We had both studied and been in training for personality typing and Humanistic based counseling. It seems to me that my exes therapist allowed my ex to waste a huge amount of time, money and focus vindicating the IDEA that she is co dependent and I was her perpetrator. To this day she remains silent, as she always was when confronted with a decision needed to be made. Strangely she is the one with all the money, the rich family (all cold fish) and the Moral high ground. I am totally broken, I have PTSD, chronic repeating fatigue, grief, depression etc. I also just about keep our old business going though I live with the professional stigma of having been the CAUSE of the failure of it.

    My conclusion is that good therapists do NOT offer advice or hand out literature. Furthermore they should NOT mix religion / philosophy / gender politics or outmoded theories into the therapeutic alliance. I am deeply suspect of this ‘quasi scientific’ approach found in “NEW AGE” philosophies.
    It is all just another COGNITIVE TYRANNY.

    Regarding causes: Check out EPIGENETICS and the work of Arthur Janov. He has developed a therapeutic system that gets to causes and gradually over time helps us neurotics and sufferers recover from serious repressed trauma. Art Janov has a blog: check out: “Janovs Reflections on the Human Condition”.
    My very best regards to all you people who FEEL terrible for whatever CAUSE. . . I hope this post and the subject of CAUSES can be developed over time.

    Paul G.

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  • My psychologist invited his female friend, who is a massage therapist, to come to his office to give me a massage, he asked me if it was ok and told me I could keep my clothes on, he said that it may help me relax I thought it was ok at the time but now I’m having second thoughts at the time it was very awkward. am I just over reacting?

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    • So HE invited his friend to come give you a massage and HE told you it might help you relax? So where are YOU in all this? It sounds to me like he is running the show, telling you what you need and whom you should be getting it from. If that’s the case, this is about him and his needs; it’s not about you.

      Pay attention to your gut and your emotional responses. If it felt awkward, then there’s something there to deal with. Don’t second guess yourself. If it was awkward for you, that’s enough. Tell him you felt awkward and see if his response is more about him (defensiveness, justification, etc.) or more about you (asking you why it felt awkward, empathizing, understanding that perhaps it was inappropriate or forward of him to do this, etc.). At the end of the discussion, you should feel heard and understood and MORE comfortable, not less.

      Reply

  • At the very least it sounds like a kickback deal–“Oh, by the way, here’s my friend, she just happens to be a massage therapist. Maybe now she and I can both get paid for our services! After all, friends help friends get revenue!” Too forced. He could have just given you her business card.

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  • Are pastors included in this? Do they have to follow the same rules.

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  • I have been through hell dealing with a therapy program that was abusive. I complained to the state about them and they did nothing. I made a grievance against my caseworker and next thing I know I was abruptly thrown out of the building and my services ended. They made up lies about me in order to justify ending my services. I went to therapy for 3 years at 25 hours a week. Now they say I was negative toward my peers, disruptive in groups, and showed no progress toward recovery. These are all made up lies. Than because of my complaint to the state they said we will allow you to start over and go through intake again. I did and next thing I know this intake worker made up lies saying I was cussing at her with the F word. It was all a set up so they can shun me and not allow me back into therapy. I have learned that social workers, psychologists, therapists and counselors are not to be trusted. They lie and make up things about you in order to get rid of you. I have bipolar disorder and have no services now. I have been without therapy for 10 months now. I have to believe that what goes around comes around. I am sick and tired of people lying on me and destroying my life. I have no friends because my friends were the people I was in the program with. Now, I am all alone and don’t have a right to my mental health services. I truly believe that people that lie and make up things in order to destroy your life will have it come back on them some how. You don’t get to lie and destroy a persons life without some kind of Karma coming back on you. I am really getting depressed over people lying and destroying me.

    Reply

    • Hello Anonymous,

      Sometimes when I hear stories like yours I feel I have to pinch myself to check I’m not dreaming. If I didn’t know what some people are like I could begin to believe their lies. My parents made me feel guilty when I was an infant, a child and a teenager. I think that guilt trip went all the way back to unmet needs when I was a tiny baby. The hardest thing of all is to relive those terrifying feelings of grief and abandonment; I am coming to realise there are few people who DO NOT have such underlying traumas.
      For as long as our serotonin ‘gating system’ works ok, such traumas remain under the threshold of conscious awareness and we can ‘carry on’ without really knowing how damaged we are. But then later maybe this repressive system begins to fail and terrible feelings and weird symptoms surface.

      I believe many people who are damaged from very early on, in the womb perhaps, become driven later on in life to ‘ACT OUT’ a defense by becoming therapists and leaders themselves. They can ‘observe’ their patients / subjects and that is a perfect distraction from their own traumas.

      But their relationship with their patients / subjects is perhaps ‘voyeuristic’, NOT empathetic. There would seem to be no end to the cruelty people are willing to inflict on others, but this ‘role’ of therapist is the most dangerous of all because implicit in the relationship is the AIM of addressing PAIN, FEAR, GRIEF, UNMET NEED. . .
      It has often been said that only those who have stood in the shoes of another can truly understand that person. . . How many therapists and leaders have really traveled back into their own traumatic histories and felt the pain and rage of their OWN unmet need? So, I think good therapists are probably fewer than dubious therapists. Once you ‘believe’ that you are ‘qualified’ to address the pain in another your belief system will protect you from your own pain. To get past that ‘belief system’ filled with assumptions and generic ideals would require such a high degree of integrity that to be honest MOST of the systems of training available simply would not meet these sentient & HUMAN requirements.
      There are so many different theories and techniques, there are no unified practices. . . You could get a degree in psychology, do a couple of years counseling training and then set up an entirely new BRAND of therapy based on your own crazy belief systems. . . And really that is what you have in the field of human psychotherapy: A huge range of snake oils.

      Alice Miller wrote about all this and I recommend her books; check out “The Drama of Being a Child” and other titles.
      Take care and don’t let other peoples arrogance and conceit baffle you.

      Paul G.

      Reply
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