If you would like to share your own story of therapist abuse or professional misconduct and be witnessed by the community, you can:
- Post it as a comment on this page
- Submit a longer story for publication by contacting me through the Contact page and arranging to email it to me
Please DO NOT include the real names of the therapists or other parties involved. We want to avoid any potential legal issues that may arise from using people’s real names. Any comments in violation of this may be removed by the moderator.
You can read the following survivor stories by clicking the links.
Kelly’s Story – “Silent No More”
Maria’s Story – “From Charmed to Harmed: The Aftermath of Sexual Exploitation”
Michelle’s Story of Healing – “Reclaiming My Life”
Thank you for having the courage to share your stories!
Hi I ned a advice I just find that my husband Chet on me with the phyhology therapist.how to report hair …
Thank you for sharing. Abusive therapists can be reported to their state licensing board. You should be able to get more information from your state’s website.
I began therapy with JB around January of 2006. Around February 6, 2007, Mr. B told me he had an old PC but could not purchase a mouse that would work with this model due to the age of the PC. He asked me if I had one that would work on his PC. I managed computer systems most of my life, and was extremely familiar with PC hardware and software. I told him I did have one. He then asked if I could get it for him and wrap it around his door knob since he would be in his next session (this was at the end of the day). I got him the mouse and did what he requested. I have an email from him stating that the mouse worked great.
Mr. B asked me in January of 2008 if I could get a laptop for a teenage friend of his. I had a lot of old computer equipment since that was my area of expertise, and I constantly configured computer systems. I got Mr. B an old laptop that I was not using, and a wireless card. I have an email from him stating he was having trouble setting up the laptop and asked for my assistance. I think I got him the wireless card at that time. He was able to setup the laptop and give it to his friend.
I had given Mr. B a lot of personal gifts. I gave him a sweater, sweatshirts, coffee, books, etc. I also gave him two digital cameras and a GPS system. He told me he only accepted gifts from me, but not from his other patients. He said I was special.
Mr. B asked me in August of 2008 if I could get an older friend of his a laptop. She wrote poetry and he thought it would be helpful if she typed it on the computer. He stated she had poetry published and that she was working on another book. Mr. B told me that I would get a copy of the book when it was published. I never heard anything after that regarding the book. We went back and forth as to what we thought would be the best unit for her to use (desktop v. laptop). I also have emails discussing this. Mr. B mentioned “bartering” in an email he sent to me, and said maybe we can barter for computer support. I always paid Mr. B the full amount for my sessions as I can prove with my paid invoices.
I am currently seeing a new trauma therapist. She has continued to work with me to help me heal from the trauma I experienced working with Mr. B. My therapist contacted Mr. B when I began seeing her, and she questioned Mr. B about a laptop that I had mentioned to her. He stated that he felt it was okay to accept the laptop because he was giving me a discounted rate. At no time did Mr. B ever state that to me. I paid the same fee from the first session until our last session dated December 14, 2010.
I gave Mr. B a Dell Mini Laptop to use since he travels all the time. Initially he told me he did not like it, and he preferred to use his larger one. I told him I needed to use it because I was working a lot of hours, and needed to use it when I went out to try to keep up with work. Mr. B told me at that time that he liked the mini laptop. I told him that I would use it and then give it back to him if he liked it that much. He then told me that he had lent it to a student he knew that had lost his, and that it was not available for me to use. At first I was going to let it go, but then I got very angry about this. I told him to get the laptop back, and to tell his friend to purchase one through college. I have emails from him discussing this. He mentions in one email that he did not want this to be another contention between the two of. By this time, therapy had suffered much degradation due to these things, as well as the other items I am about to mention.
Mr. B and I ended up at a local pub many times to listen to a band that we both enjoyed. I did not leave when he arrived, and I did not speak to him. Mr. B would not stay if he was alone. If he had a woman with him, he would stay and usually sit directly behind me with his female friend. This made me extremely uncomfortable. This conflict between us came up many times during our sessions. Mr. B consistently told me that he treated me different than his other patients. He said that he did not email his patients as much as he did me. He would also tell me where he was going on vacation, things about his family, the date of his birthday, etc. Mr. B accepted me on his facebook account. When he shut down his facebook at a later time, he sent me an email letting me know that he shut it down and that it had nothing to do with me. In some ways it seemed like we were friends, even though we did not see each other outside of therapy except when we ended up at a pub together. There was a time when a female displayed inappropriate behavior in a pub while both Mr. B and I were there. When I saw Mr. B at our next session, he brought up what we both saw this young woman do (she had her breast signed by a member of the band). He asked me if it had bothered me. I told him no because these things happen a lot when you go out to these places. He clearly said to me, “well nothing like this has ever happened to me when I went out before”. It took me by surprise that he would bring that up in our session. These situations created internal conflict for me, and made it difficult for me to focus on my healing and therapy. I discussed this with him repeatedly.
During my sessions with Mr. B, Mr. B would comment on how much he liked my hair. He would ask how I got it to look the way it did. Even though Mr. B stated that we could not have a friendship or relationship outside of therapy, he shared a lot of personal information with me that it had already felt like we did have a friendship. A friendship that felt much stronger than a therapeutic relationship. Mr. B shared many things with me (i.e., the separation between him and his wife, where he was going on vacation, his cats, his hobbies, his family members, etc.). He would say many times how I was not like his other patients, and how he did not share these things with other patients. All of this led me to believe that we did have a friendship that went outside the boundaries of normal therapy.
I feel it very important to describe one more item that was one of the most upsetting, destructive things that entered into our therapy. Mr. B had a friend who was a psychologist at Sheppard Pratt. This psychologist is Harold S who played at the Pub in which Mr. B and I would attend (at times we ended there together and sometimes not). Mr. B and Mr. S were friends for over 20 years and colleagues. This friendship became a hardship, and our therapy was unable to withstand the relationship between the three of us. Mr. B knew for at least a year and a half that I had friends in this band, and that I had gotten to know Mr. S very well. Mr. S was dating one of his own clients, and I discussed this with Mr. B. Mr. B never brought up any conflict of interest regarding us both seeing this psychologist outside of therapy. I was very upset over the sexual relationship Mr. S was having with his patient, and each time I discussed it with Mr. B he would make excuses such as: A psychologist has different ethics than a Social Worker does, older men and younger women never work out, and that Mr. S could probably date his patients because they were not “trauma” patients. Needless to say, I knew this was not true. I expressed my desire to report Mr. S to the Board of Psychologists to be reviewed. When that happened, Mr. B became extremely angry (which he did many times during our sessions), and said he could not treat me anymore due to a conflict of interest. There was a time Mr. B slammed my file down and said “Jesus Fucking Christ” because he got angry at me. This happened at least every other session with him getting angry. Our therapy was now into two years that Mr. S was involved with Mr. B and myself (three years total with the first year not having Mr. S as a mutual acquaintance, and it was never mentioned to me that there was a conflict. I left very distraught that evening and felt that I was being abandoned by Mr. B. I told Mr. B I could not believe that he would get rid of a client of three years to support someone who was breaking ethics, and giving his profession a bad name. I do not know how I got home that evening, and a friend of mine spoke to me that evening until I was safe. I sent Mr. B a lot of ethics I got off the Psychology website, and I told him that it was “his” responsibility to turn his psychologist friend in since they were colleagues. Mr. B told me numerous times that Mr. S told him that “I was crazy”. Mr. B told me to let him think that I was crazy. I was upset over those comments, and I questioned the confidentiality of our sessions. Mr. B also discussed with Mr. S the situation in which Mr. S got his patient pregnant.
After the session in which Mr. B said he would no longer see me, he sent me an email asking me to return to therapy with him. I felt very scared and confused. I did return to see him, and his exact words to me were, “I wasn’t really going to get rid of you. I just felt if I backed you into a corner, you would leave Mr. S alone and not report him.” I could not believe what he said to me. I was in shock. Mr. B used everything he knew about my trauma to manipulate and control me. I was devastated. Mr. S’s wife (who was suffering her own challenges at that time due to Mr. S’s sexual relationship with his patient) told me that her husband asked Mr. B to help him keep me under control. I felt more broken that I ever had. My sessions with Mr. B became more destructive and damaging to me as therapy continued. My boss made statements to me that whatever therapy I was getting at Sheppard Pratt, I should stop because I seemed so much worse the day after. The psychiatrist I was seeing told me not to go back to Mr. B (she was aware of all that was happening during my therapy). At that point I stopped therapy with Mr. B permanently.
After I terminated treatment with Mr. B, I had deteriorated to a level in which I had to be hospitalized for approximately two months to work through the abusive therapy I experienced with Mr. B. I also lost my job of 10 1/2 years due to my inability to work. Up until my therapy with Mr. B, I had always been a high performer, and held high level positions with tremendous responsibility. I am now on disability, and I am continue to discuss the trauma I experienced with Mr. B.
After my hospital stay, I reported Mr. S to the Board of Psychologists, and I reported Mr. B to the Board of Social Workers. I provided all the email documentation I had from both of them. Mr. S did lose his license, and his patient gave birth to Mr. S’s son. I gave a three-inch binder to the Board of Social Workers regarding Mr. B. The investigator stated that he never had a patient give him such a tremendous amount of information, all categorized by date and individual. I also had to give testimony under oath twice. Unfortunately, Mr. B did not get suspended nor did he lose his license. Due to him not being suspended, I am not privy as to what the outcome was. This was very upsetting to me, and I felt traumatized all over again. Through my therapy with my therapist, and group trauma therapy I attend, I have come across at least three other female patients who experienced abusive treatment with Mr. B. They were too scared to go forward. I have been thanked by all of them for taking this forward to the board, and hopefully Mr. B will have to be extremely careful in the future so not to be reported to the Board again.
Oakland Paris Dupree
Thank you for sharing your story!
I’m impressed by your writing. Are you a professional or just very knblwedgeaole?
Yes that is him. I am not home right now but will send you a pic. Channel eleven news will be doing my story regarding him. I also know of three other patients of his that he abused. I am actually filing a civil suit against him. email me and I can give you my phone number if you want to discuss. Thanks.
oh no! he was one of the only kind helpers when i was there. i will look for your email with a pic through kind kristi. thanks
I have always loved to write, and I have a book published called “Partly Because .. It is What I do.” It is a collection of cartoons about DID, and it tells my story. If you search my name, my website will come up. It is by Xlibris publishing. I did the cartoon drawings myself. I have just finished my twelfth children’s book and am working towards getting tem published. Thank you so much for the compliment.
Thank you for sharing this story with us. Both practitioners have clearly violated the code of ethics. Concerning yourself, I wonder if you have reflected on what happened?. When we are going through hard times or in therapy and we put our trust in the professional we are seeing, sometimes it can cloud our judgment and silent our intuition. I hope that over the years you became stronger person with much stronger personal boundaries.
I hope that by now you know that it was his responsibility to keep strong boundaries in therapy so you can work on your own issues while his responsibility is t provide the appropriate therapeutic environment in alignment with your therapy goals that should be set between both of you right from the start while avoiding any other contact whatsoever outside therapy including “situations” like the so called “ending up” hanging out in the same bar. I hope that you realize that these were attempts to seduce vulnerable patient to inflate his low self esteem using exploitation of patient and this is why he mentioned his female friend by pretending that he is the poor guy and so you got confused because your inner sense noticed that this doesnt sound like part of a healing process!.
He went to school and he is well trained and skillful in what he is doing and know the code of ethics of practice and he knows that it is his responsibility to avoid any social contact outside therapy that could possibly cause harm or disrupt the process of therapy in any shape or form.
He knows that way too well and what he said to you doesnt make any sense whatsoever. Accordingly he is held accountable for his actions inside and outside therapy. There is no question about that.
I met a ‘therapist,’ named XXXXX XXXXXX. She claimed to be accredited by the Gestalt Institute of San Francisco; after I stopped consulting her I checked it out, it turned out she wasn’t qualified there, they’ve never heard of her. She breached confidentiality. She often told stories of how she had sexual relationships with male clients. She worked for cash in hand only. She used to come to visit me in America on a tourist visa and still seek work as a ‘therapist’. This person is dangerous to clients. Avoid. There is no one to report her to, as she isn’t a registered therapist, so if anything goes wrong you can’t do anything about it.
Thank you for your reply, yes, that’s the same person. XXXXX XXXXXXX. Her message is ‘I am a global citizen, wandering the world and creating success in others’ – egotistical, i.e., before you met her you were a loser, and if you leave her you will go back to being a loser. This makes it difficult to exit ‘therapy’. But it isn’t therapy, it’s just an aggressive woman berating you and telling you what you should do with your life e.g. ‘you should quit your job, you should leave your husband.’ Dangerous. Avoid her if you don’t want to end up suicidal.
I just want to say to Sydney and Sarah that there are many of us out here who believe what you have so bravely shared on here. Thank you for your courage and truthfulness. I would advise that you not respond to XXXXX’s comment. It speaks of her demeanor well proves the point you were making. Sydney and Sarah YOU ARE BRAVE!
I admire the truthfulness and the emotions that are in these stories. Thinking about my recent encounter with my therapist I just fired is enough to bring me to my knees. It makes me cry, but less and less the more time goes on.
The first time I met ashley was a couple of days after a fender bender I had in a major city after it snowed here in Dallas, Tx. I met with her at my family doctors suggestion I see a therapist for my anxiety following the fender bender and a major wreck I had some years back that almost killed me.
Ashley was great, saw her again about two months later. I then quit going for quite a long time. Couldn’t handle the crush I had on her. Some months later I changed my life for the better, started seeing a new T that was great. Life was going good. Then one night something happened at work that shook me and had me calling my new T who would not pick up. I tried calling and texting and heard nothing back and I had to talk to someone.
So I went through my phone and sent a quick text to see if ashley was available to talk and told her what happened. Met with her the next day. She asked if I wanted to meet at an office or where. I said I didnt care. I only intended for this to be a one time meeting and then go back to my other T. This was just a crisis for me. I had to talk to someone. She suggested meeting at starbucks. We were there for over an hour, and we picked up right where we had left off it seemed talking. I switched to her over the course of the next six months and saw her exclusively as my T. We never did meet in an office. Two days after my birthday she suggested we meet for dinner, if I was hungry….that rattled me a bit. I said sure…and we met for dinner and talked until the place closed. From there we went back to startbucks for the next few sessions, and eventually lunch one sunday at a restaurant.
I finally said I have a crush on you…it was never addressed, and we kept right on meeting at starbucks. I told her I didnt want to come back to therapy with her. She asked me to come back to see her. And I went back like an idiot. Second time I got tired of her putting off discussing my attachment to her as she is LGBTQ identified I believe she pretty much sent me a text telling me its impossible, she has a family, boundaries, blah, blah……..appointments were hard as heck to make as well. Sometimes it would be days before she did get back to me and often times moved them on me.
That made me upset to no end. Of course I knew it was a no. I just wanted to talk about it. There are always better ways to handle transference other than hitting a so called patient with that. So callous. I am also a psychology student so I knew what was going on within these dynamics. I feel like I should have known better. It is hard to say no to some people within these power/ego plays. But I did and walked away finally.
Bottom line I have begged numerous times and for over a month for my file to be sent to me and nothing has been yet. It has been over a month. I am on the fence as to report or not and just let it go. But…if she did this to me and hid behind her credentials when things got a bit too tough, then who else did she do this to or is doing this too as well at this moment.
Someone needs to stop Ashley. I fired Ashley a week ago. I’ll see how this goes. At the moment I am on the fence about reporting the whole thing.
Thank you for sharing your story. While we do encourage holding abusive therapists accountable, the decision whether to report is one that can only be made by you. For anyone else to tell you what to do in this situation would be disempowering. We’re happy to support you in whatever way we can, so feel free to check in if you have questions.
All the best,
Kristi
Good for you!. From what you say, I dont get the impression that this so called “therapist” have many clients. The way that she “seduced” you to come back when you actually didnt choose to go back to therapy. One of the major points that all therapist learn at school and is post graduate trainnig is about their counter transference towards patients and how to handle it. That means that it is way well known to all therapists that it is their own responsibility to take care of the way they feel in therapy with patient so their feelings, ideas and opinions dont come on the way of healing and/or interrupt the healing process of patient. She knows that very well. But honestly, she sounds like enjoying your “crush” on her and so she said “its impossible”. Its mind games. Remind yourself why in the first place you went to therapy. What is your goal and stick to your own goals.
Am i a survivor,or some additional designation?I survive has stories also,respecting self is clear priority.
I would like to share my story of therapist abuse. I was married to him for 27 years. He constantly called me mentally ill. He tried to tell me all the time I had PTSD from one sort of childhood abuse. Little by little he took away all my esteem, He said this was all because I was a drama queen! Everything was turned back on me. If finances were involved it was because I didn’t make enough money. He called me a mommy dearest. He called me Bullwinkle (like the cartoon). It finally got really bad. He decided he should yell and scream at me to teach me a lesson – or to try to jog my childhood memories so I would recall these childhood memories. I finally got a PPO when he decided I needed to be put in a mental institution and he constantly screamed that at me. Its a mental institution for you he would scream. This was once he decided he wanted out and thought he could take everything from me. Well the short of the story. I have PTSD. I don’t think I will ever recover! He denies everything. His last comments to me. You will never get healthy until you access the “right” memories. Beware of some therapists.
I have always loved to write, and I have a book published called “Partly Because .. It is What I do.” It is a collection of cartoons about DID, and it tells my story. If you search my name, my website will come up. It is by Xlibris publishing. I did the cartoon drawings myself. I have just finished my twelfth children’s book and am working towards getting tem published. Thank you so much for the compliment.
If the two of you want to send your email addresses to me through the Contact page (if you don’t want to publish your email on the site), I can put you in touch.
~Kristi
oh, i see, you would do that for us. please do! thanks
So my” therapist” LCSW t ex intentionally gave someone PTSD. His comments why should I care what I did to you? Your never cared what you did to me. Really? So he knows my mind too. that’s why he did this? He claimed, You don’t say it you just think it.” That is ridiculous. I tried to tell him you can’t read my mind, but he claimed he could. His reason, you said twenty years ago you would destroy me if we got divorced. Once again ridiculous. Really? To set out. To plot it? To intentionally harm someone? He set out to get revenge. He did it with therapy.
I sought counseling in college to help “come-out”. The services were offered through the school, and I needed help. My “therapist”, I use quotations because she never kept paperwork on me, I never signed any initial papers, etc. In essence, she never “treated” me, at least there is no legal documentation, or any documentation for that matter, to suggest any treatment at all. She actually told me later that she intentionally didn’t keep any paperwork on me. I assume I was told this as a power play. Long story short, she helped me come out, befriended me, I lived with her family for a couple of years, I essentially became a part of the family. Things were always “weird”, but I felt loved, and accepted, and a part of something. After graduation, I met a girl that I eventually married. It wasn’t until I met her, and she pointed a few things out did I really realize how wrong this whole situation was. My former therapist, now pseudo-parent had become controlling and manipulative (really, she always was, it just wasn’t as blatant). As I spent more time with my new girlfriend, my pseudo-mom pretty much gave me an ultimatum. My new girlfriend, or my “family” that had done nothing but love and support me the last few years. It all down-ward spiraled rather quickly, and I “moved on”. My therapists last words to me were, “don’t talk to me until you have something nice to say”. That all happened 8 years ago, and I have contacted her since. I recently sought out counseling for our daughter and some issues we needed to resolve. I obviously was tentative, and am still a little guarded, but I ended up continuing to go on my own (my daughter never actually attended, she’s 18 and we couldn’t make her go). My new therapist (much more professional, has never invited me anywhere but the office) just mentioned PTSD last week. I’m currently processing this in my mind. I tend to make jokes to “deal”, and keep telling my family to make no sudden noises because I might have PTSD, but as I read more, and with a little research, I realize that it is a more than accurate diagnosis. A lot happened in the 4 years I knew my previous therapist, and I may not even realize yet to what extent it has had an effect on me.
thought this could be helpful: http://undividedjournal.com/2014/06/27/the-art-of-trust-in-therapy/
Dear Sirs,
firstly, I don’t know whether it’s a kind of exploitation, I may be wrong and, in case, please forgive me.
I’ve been seeing a therapist for one year and two months because of solitude and parental issues/misunderstanding. We’ve already talked about transference and counter-transference, also have observed that my transference towards her has been removed. I love her very much and she too, told me to be very affectionate to me. However I’ve got some doubts regarding our relationship T/client.
5 months ago I hugged her about 4 times, because I felt lonely and needed some physical closeness; this had gone on up to one day, when she suddenly denied my hug. I turned into surprised and annoyed in the same time, I asked her why this, she recounted me “to have grown up too much, I’ve become an adult and didn’t want to hug me any longer”, as she was hugging me just to “grow” (do you hug anyone, just to help them in their growth?!? Stuff coming from the other world … ). What’s more, she herself couldn’t figure out her behavior, since she didn’t hug ANY OTHER PATIENT BUT ME, comprised younger girls; “why am I okay to hug you, whereas I always refuse the others?”, this is exactly what she said. In my heart I thought: “either you are fine to touch anybody, or don’t tell me this!”. This hugs were also meant to be carried out of our therapy, especially with parents, with whom I had a bad relationship. However, it doesn’t heal my sense of creepiness on her, every other behavior of her still seem to me very strange, about her “non-touch policy” with other clients except me and our “particular relationship”, seeing each other after therapy and so on (it was partly my fault in having asked her). I’ve got charmed and ashamed together. In the end, I accepted this circumstance and we went on. Furthermore, in that session and the following one, she warmly recommended a male therapist, just as an attempt, assuring me she will never terminate me, if I want to stay in therapy with her. Honestly I didn’t understand her words, because my progresses were clear and WE BOTH noticed them, we also were aware that I’m not dependent on her. This chapter has been “locked” there and she’s always been glad to have me as her client. What do you think about this?
Another topic is framed by the “outside-therapy relationship”, me and her (e.g. hanging out for a coffee). I asked her out last month and she’s right with that, with my big surprise. I really believed to have destroyed our therapy, but she tranquillized me that our roles were intact, even though she would be very pleased to meet me outside. We’ve discussed any possible feature of that, for example she couldn’t mix her private life with professional one and so on. She agreed to meet me AFTER therapy only and we’re STILL in it. Despite of all her words and statements, there’s still something not so clear to me. I know a client in therapy must say everything in their minds, but did I did well in asking her out? Did she did well in agreeing, although the therapy is alive? Isn’t it a sort of dual relationship? I always feel as her patient, but I admit to have been freaked out and fantasized a lot about. Here are some other pinpointed tips: 1) Sometimes has occured that our meetings were prolonged up to 5 or 15 minutes after the 60-minute hour lenght; however, the fee has been always the same (except once, when she accepted to see me for free in extra-time work in her room, because of an emergency of mine). 2) Two sessions ago, 5 minutes after the end of our session, she agreed to receive some ebooks on her Kindle by me (I realize it may appear weird). 3) I hardly know anything about body language. I just noticed that, in our latest “appointments”, she used to tuck her hair behind her ears (I think it’s the most irrilevant tip I can give). 4) We don’t have the 2 year-rule or any amount of time to wait before engaging in a non-professional relationship.
She’s 25 years older than me (I’m a 24 years old guy), I don’t think you’ll mind about, just to write it down as an additional piece of information. If I didn’t misunderstand her, in our first meetings she firmly stated that I would not need her anymore after therapy, while last time she admitted to know some colleagues (both males and females) who have even sex with their former patients.
In our latest sessions we initiated again some physical touch, such as hugs again, caresses, kisses on cheek. I truly enjoy touching softly her hair, her cheek during our hugs and she’s fine with that. This stuff was acted only on the way to the door, before greeting each other, after the end of sessions. This touch and our particular relationships (as she has said) made me want her, these days I can’t stop thinking of her. I would even lift her, kiss her sweet lips and things like those (I once told her I would kiss her); it may be appear wonderful, but all these things are driving me crazy! Last time we talked about books for about 20 minutes, as I didn’t have much more to say, for the first time; we’ve shared this hobby of reading and even exchanged some knowledge about books. She says to be outgoing and friendly. I believe she’s understood I’ve developed a crush on her, and that (in my opinion) she may have a sort of crush on me, and act upon it without telling me? Does she wants to have sex with me? I would be much pleased and horrified in the same time. But why doesn’t she reject me? Why is she ok in hanging out with me? Why are these conflicting feelings falling upon me? Her responses: I’m a wonderful person, relationships may evolve (better or worse) and my confusion will pass soon. Is it correct?
I like her physically and emotionally (I shame on myself in confessing it), she’s married with a little daughter and, of course, I don’t think she would go further than just something more than “friendship”. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. I’m sorry for the length of my account, I just feel deeply mixed up and in a delirious storm of emotions.
Best Regards,
Anonymous.
Hi,
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I can definitely understand your confusion, and if the relationship continues it is likely to get worse, not better. In my opinion, your therapist has conducted herself in an extremely inappropriate manner and has violated the boundaries of the relationship. My suggestion is to stop seeing her and to get a referral for a different therapist. It’s important for you to be able to talk to someone about what’s happened so that they can help you deal with the consequences of her misconduct. Unfortunately, you cannot trust your therapist to make appropriate decisions as she does not have your best interest at heart; she is taking care of herself and her own needs, not yours. Please stop seeing her right away and get help from someone else who has good, clear boundaries.
All the best,
Kristi
I had to comment on reading this. Your therapist is crossing the lines and is creating a dual relationship. They are meant to be a safe zone and when this happens it creates a lot of damage.
I had this happen with my last therapist who always met me in a starbucks, then out for dinner and twice for lunch- never in an office-
When I confronted her about it she put the blame all on me- it took me months to get paperwork where she put a fake diagnosis and told me we discussed it- we never did.
I can tell you to find another therapist and run fast and hard away from the one you have now. She sounds as confused and shouldnt be treating people. What she is doing to you is a form of emotional rape.
Cut ties and run-
all the best!
I just found out my former abusive T is selling his house and moving away. I never reported him because I couldn’t do it at the time. He works out of his house too. I can’t go into the details about our relationship because it’s too painful, and way too long for me to possibly write on here. All I can say is, someone tried to kill me when I was 5 and I survived. That person who tried to kill me was my own father. I went on to be brutally abused by him until the age of 13. You can probably only imagine how vulnerable I would be to a charming, predatory, narcissistic therapist. The psychological scars he left on me from his sick behaviour have left me in a chronic state of depression. There isn’t a day that goes by that I wish I never met him. I regret not reporting him and wonder if it’s too late. Our last session was in the fall of 2008. I have thought of sending him a registered letter requesting my records asap before he moves away. Does anyone think it’s too late for me to be bringing this up? Would the licensing board pursue this?
Hi Leeann,
I would encourage you to contact an attorney to find out your options. There are several listed on the Legal resources page. If you can’t find one in your state, call a few others to see if perhaps they work in your state or have a referral for you. Whether or not you can pursue legal or administrative action will depend on whether therapist abuse is illegal in your state and the statute of limitations. You can also contact his licensing board to get information on filing a complaint, which is something you’d do by yourself or, better, with the help of an attorney.
All the best,
Kristi
I also would like to add that I have been to 3 counsellors and 2 other psychologists in the last 5 years. Not one of them believes what he did to me!!!
Thanks Kristi
I will give them a call tomorrow and see that they say. I have a feeling I have waited to long to do anything. It’s so sad there are so many of these predators out there. They go to school and that’s it!! I think every state should set up a program to protect vulnerable clients. Before you can book an appointment, you should have to call and give some information about yourself. The person from the program would be a social worker or therapist and would evaluate your situation. If they felt you were high-risk they would put you into their system as a high risk patient. Every time a therapist begins treatment with a new patient, he or she should have to contact the registry and give them every new patients name and contact information(nothing else). This would also be done upon termination as well. As soon as the registry program has a Dr give them the name of a high-risk patient, this information would be given to the Dr. under his or her care. In order for this Dr. to continue to see this patient, the patient must contact the registry at least once a month to continue treatment with this Dr. A series of questions would be asked to the patient to evaluate the situation ( any possible boundary issues etc.). I feel that if a Therapist knows this is happening, he or she will know they run the risk of getting caught sooner than later. This would also provide the patient with someone to talk to if they have any concerns.
Hi Leeann,
Those are some interesting ideas. Maybe you could pursue that in your state. You may want to get in touch with Heather Sinclair of Lynette’s Law for Maryland http://www.lynetteslaw4maryland.com. She might have some ideas about you could take action.
Thanks for sharing!
Kristi
As far as I know, the Ethics Review Board does not have time limits on filing a complaint….they are usually understanding that it may take years to heal enough to be able file a complaint.
Thanks Kristi,
I will write an e-mail and send one in. Recovery from Therapist abuse is unimaginable!! If I would have had to call a registry before therapy, I would have been high risk. I would say low risk would be a male patient seeing a male therapist about marriage issues. High risk would be a women who has abuse issues going to a male therapist. This is a no brainer!!
Just as a note – You’d be surprised how many women experience boundary violations from female therapists. I haven’t heard much about male therapists experiencing abuse/misconduct by male therapists, but I have heard from some who’ve experienced misconduct by their female therapists. There are no hard and fast rules regarding gender. Abusive therapists, male or female, will take advantage of whomever is most vulnerable.
Update:
My former T is moving soon, sold house (where he works) a few weeks ago. It leaves me with mixed emotions. I think part of it is, I won’t get any closure from this.
Weird thing is, the place was listed “WAY UNDER VALUE.” Sold within days .
It was almost like he gave the place away!! I guess he is in a hurry or something. He put lots of work into the place too.
Leeann
Kristi,
I don’t know why my old T moving has affected me so much. I think it must have triggered my PTSD. After all this happened I thought maybe one day he would just call and apologize. I guess in my heart I wanted to believe that for a long time. I wish I never met him.
Leeann
Hi Leeann,
Sometimes you can get triggered by ANYTHING the ex-T does. It makes sense that his moving has affected you — it’s another loss. It could also bring up a sense of abandonment, like a parent moving away. And then yes, it may bring up grief and/or anger about the lack of resolution and having to let go of getting what you wanted from him. That’s really hard! I think a lot of us have that longing, that our pain will be acknowledged and that the abuser will show genuine remorse. Sadly, unless he or she truly does their work (or becomes enlightened!), it’s not likely to happen. If they were the kind of person who could acknowledge wrongdoing and show empathy and remorse, they likely would not have done what they did or would not have gone as far as they did. It’s a real challenge to deal with and let go of those hopes. For now, acknowledge and honor your feelings, because that’s what’s real and true for you. Nurture yourself and take care of yourself the best way you can.
Much love,
Kristi
Thanks Kristi,
I thought my feelings were inappropriate. He’s a narcissist, that I know for sure.
Leeann
Kristi,
There was this little piece in my heart that desperately wanted an apology. This is such a hard thing to recover from. I don’t know how you do it Kristi. You are such an amazing person for making this website for all of us. You validated all the feelings I have been having in the last month. I thought I was losing my mind again!! Now I know it’s perfectly normal to be upset that he is moving. I hope I find peace once he is gone.
Leeann
I wish that peace for you, too!
Sometimes if you just hold that intention — to find peace within yourself — then that happens. But it means being willing to let go of those hopes and yearnings and allowing the past — and the future — to be just what they are.
Love and peace!
I just published a book about my experience with abuse in therapy and how I dealt with it. I have a question: Children abused by priests can sue the church years later. What is the statute of limitations for abuse by a mental health professional?
I would appreciate anyone who could help with this question. Thank you!
My book is: Ellevie, a true story of repressed memories and multiple personality disorder
By Marcelle Evie Guy and Jerry Payne – The boos has been highly rated and a good read.
Congratulations on the book! Thanks for letting us know.
Unfortunately only three years. I just went through this.
Thank you for the reply. Yes, it is unfortunate.
Thank you for your comment about my book. I wrote it specially to educate , but I am told that it is a very good read.
Kristi,
My former T is now gone. He has moved out of his place, I just noticed today. It was the strangest feeling because I know I will never cross paths with him ever again. I was always afraid of running into him at a restaurant or the grocery store. I can now go anywhere freely without the possibility of seeing him. I really thought he cared about me, now I know he never did. I’m glad he’s gone though, I feel like this is finally over now. At least my PTSD won’t flare up when I see him drive by or see him walking down the street. It use to happen at least 2 times a year. One day I was going into my bank and he was walking out. I had to keep circling the bank until he was gone. Another time I was going to go into a coffee shop and he was ahead of me so I didn’t go in. I eventually stopped going there. I was terrified of what I might say/do to him if I saw him face to face. I guess its really over now.
Leeann
Leann,
I hope it will be much easier for you now that he’s gone. It’s so hard to heal when you keep getting activated, and by things you can’t control. I remember well how triggering it was for me to see Dr. T’s car and not be able to walk past it. It took a lot of healing work for me to not get so triggered. I hope that now your system will get enough of a break that you can release some of that fear and anxiety and have more ease in your life!
Enjoy the freedom!
Kristi
Kristi,
I did a search on his licence and found out he is renting office space in a building. He is still practicing where I live (only 5 blocks from my house). I thought it was finally over. This last week, I was so relieved because I thought he had left town. This left me in tears today, I just wanted to move on with my life. I think I might have to book an appointment with another therapist soon. I might just come totally clean with everything and let them guide me through this mess. If I can still report him I will Kristi, I need to make him accountable. I am 100% ready for this – I owe this to myself for what he did to me. It was not fair he was in a position of power and he took advantage of me. He plunged me into a deep depression for the last 6 years. I was a “VICTIM” of a predatory therapist. I’m sending an e-mail to the licencing board where I live. I want to find out if I can still make a complaint against him.
Leeann
I’m so sorry to hear this! I know how frustrated and upset you must be — you were so looking forward to some freedom! I encourage you to see another therapist in order to deal with this trauma and have your voice heard. You may also want to consult with an attorney to see about your different options. There are several listed on the Legal page. If there’s not one in your area, call them anyway, since they may have a referral or be able to tell you about the options for your state.
Keep us posted and let us know what happens.
Take care,
Kristi
Thank you Kristi,
I might consult with several therapists before I go to see one. I need to make sure the new one will be able to help me. I also think I should have my clinical files transferred to the new therapist. This will allow me to see what he has put in my files, so I will be better prepared. Also, I want to get my cell phone records to prove calls were made months after termination. He also called me from his cell phone over 2 months after termination. I think I want to just stick with evidence I can prove because I know he will try to come up with a good lie. He shared intimate personal details about his life with me. If anything, hopefully I can prove he made unnecessary gross boundary violations. He once used a male patients cell phone to contact me. I once called him to let him know I was quitting therapy (left him a voice mail message) He then called me back within 2 minutes from an unrecognized number. I wrote the number down in my day timer. I once called it to see who’s number it was (because I was curious). The guy who answered said he was a patient of his. I thought maybe I was losing it at that point. What kind of a therapist uses a patients cell phone to contact another patient. This would be a breach of confidentiality. I would believe the licencing board would be able to get my old cell phone records with the patients number on it through a court order if necessary. Actually, I called the number the first time and got his voice mail (so I know his name too). I didn’t leave a message, but I called back a few hours later and we spoke for about 5 minutes.
Kristi, I realize now how much damage he did to me. For the longest time, I didn’t want to file a complaint because I thought he cared about me. I bet he hasn’t thought for one minute he did anything wrong. He doesn’t have a conscience and shouldn’t be in this profession.
I will make sure I get proper psychological support before proceeding. I know he has to keep his records for 10 years after a patient’s last appointment. I’m not living like this anymore. I didn’t do anything wrong….he did. I don’t want to pay for this anymore, I didn’t deserve it.
Leeann
Leeann, I am writing because I recently filed a complaint with the ethics board which they then investigated. I do know that you will need to gather all the evidence yourself. If you can get your phone records and add that to the complaint (along with texts, emails). With my case they did not question any other clients that were still seeing the counselor (even though they were witnesses to the emotional abuse). I’m sure the reason is they didn’t want to create more trauma for those counselees (?) Anyway, if you have records that he called from that number and put in the complaint the two times you called it and what you found out that should be evidence enough. I agree with Kristie in getting a therapist first. I filed the complaint last August and the investigation is complete (they found her in violation of 6 ethical codes) but they are in “negotiations” with her lawyer for the discipline. My counselor, who is on the ethics board but had to recuse herself from this case, tells me it could go on until March. The wait for the decision has been the one of the hardest things to do…..next to “reliving” it all while I was writing about what happened. It has been very tough….but I would file the complaint all over again in a heart beat.
Leann, yes, gather all the evidence you can. You never know what might be important to a case. Here’s a post I wrote about my own experience that has some advice:
http://www.survivingtherapistabuse.com/2009/10/7-tips-for-therapist-abuse-victims-considering-legal-action/
Good luck!
Kristi
Hello,
I’ve been in therapy for about nine months and results are outputting fine. However, I feel like I’m in love with my (female) therapist and we talked about my thoughts, discussing their belonging to my transference. This is what we said recently, but now my feelings are getting stronger, and feel a bit awkward to recount them to her (I’m sorry, I know a patient is supposed to tell everything to their therapist). So, I’ve done a big mistake and what’s worse, is that I told her I’d be pleased to see her outside her office for an ice cream or a cup of coffee. She answered me she can’t see any client during their therapy, but it is OK to meet me again after several months or one year will have gone by after termination (she knows some colleagues who even had sex with their formers clients, it’s not an issue according to her). I don’t believe she’s aware of my true feelings toward herself. Don’t know when my therapy ends; what’s important is that feel aroused and even a little flattered, but also confused because it doesn’t seem to improve my growth. I read something about body language, and I noticed she made moves considered as seductive, that is often dangling her shoe under the table, but maybe I’m reading too much into it. These are the reasons why, perhaps, I’d rather seek another therapist, preferably male. Is it just my imagination, or should I move away?
Hi Andrew,
It’s great that you are talking to your therapist about your feelings, even if you aren’t telling her everything. And it’s good that she talked to you about transference. It’s very common for a client to have those kinds of feelings toward their therapist. But it’s extremely important that she not act on it, because that would be taking advantage of her position and it would destroy your therapeutic relationship. It sounds like she’s keeping appropriate boundaries, at least for now — and that’s a good thing. She’s absolutely right about needing to wait for a period of time AFTER therapy ends to broach any other kind of relationship.
I suggest you talk to her more about your feelings, and especially let her know if you think your feelings may be interfering with your therapy. Also talk to her about any signals she might be sending you, and how that may be confusing. It’s true that you may be better off getting a referral for someone else, but it’s also possible, if she’s a good therapist, to deal with this within the therapeutic relationship in a productive way. Personally, I don’t know about that. Most of the readers here have been taken advantage of by their therapists, so we haven’t exactly had good experiences with things like that!
It’s good that you’re aware of your feelings and how this experience is affecting you. Stay aware and be up front with your therapist about it. Hopefully, she’s got good boundaries and can help you decide what to do. But if she starts loosening the boundaries, stop therapy immediately and get a referral for someone else. That’s my opinion.
~Kristi
hi Kristi, thank you for your reply.
According to you, when does boundary breach start? Could you give me some examples? Just to be more aware of facts.
Hi Andrew,
That’s a difficult question for me to answer (and might be better addressed to the licensing board or to an attorney). I think one answer would be that the breach starts when the therapist starts making their own needs more important than the client’s and tries to use the therapeutic relationship as a way of getting their own needs met. That’s how the balance shifts and the roles get reversed (so that the client is then taking care of the therapist rather than vice versa). It starts with that intent. How it plays out can take many different forms. It could be as simple and seemingly innocent as the therapist talking about their personal life because they need witnessing or validation, or as egregious as the therapist turning to the client to get their sexual needs met. I suggest you review the Treatment Abuse Checklist for indications that client boundaries may be being violated.
Hi Kristi,
as I have verified, my therapist is maintaining boundaries well intact. But, for example, what do you think about physical touch? We only shake hands when greeting each other, neither kisses on cheek nor hugs, even though I stroked her face twice. It felt safe, but I recognize it was aimed to have a closer contact with her by me, but didn’t say this. That’s why, later, I apologized by email if I’d invaded her personal space and she replied not to be concerned, I had not. I don’t want to make her job more difficult and I can control myself, fortunately, even if we had this episode. Respect what she’s doing for me, but don’t want to sexualize our relationship, at least for now.
Andrew,
Regarding physical contact, some therapists prefer to have none at all, while others are okay with a little contact, like a hand on the arm or a light hug. But deeper hugs and certainly any type of kissing or affection could have a negative impact on the therapeutic relationship. It might seem nice or helpful at the time, but it changes things, it changes the dynamic — and you don’t want that.
I think it’s really important that you’re up front with her about what’s going on with you. In my opinion (and I’m not a therapist), your therapy may already be affected by what’s happening and the two of you need to discuss it in as honest a way as possible. Any sexual or intimate contact within this relationship is going to contaminate the therapy. Do you understand that? You do not want to undermine the boundaries — neither of you; otherwise the therapy is useless, if not outright harmful.
Keep in mind, I’m not a therapist and can only give my opinion on these things. You may want to check in with a different therapist for their professional advice.
Kristi
I imagined that deep physical touch may jeopardize therapy, diminishing the results or rendering it even hurtful. D’ya think that what happened may really affect negatively our work? I gotta say that everything else is apparently going on well, apart from that intimate touch, that’s why I’m telling you this. Although it was my fault for having sought that caress, none of us desires to cross boundaries. I respect her figure and want to maintain my role, without misinterpretations, and I’m not looking for her attraction. However, I’ll keep in mind your suggestion and, perhaps, I’ll likely talk to another therapist about my situation. Thank you.
Andrew
Since I wasn’t there, I can’t say whether what happened jeopardized the therapy. The boundaries may still be intact. But don’t let it be the elephant in the room. Talk about it. See what happens. Pay attention to how you feel. If you sense anything odd, then bring it up with her. And if you don’t feel comfortable talking about it with her, then seek other counsel.
All the best!
Kristi
I’m just fancing why she herself doesn’t bring the topic up in our sessions, and why accepted my touch. I don’t think at all she expects me to do it. Anyway, although I like her, I really mean to be careful; maybe my attraction is emphasized because of my recent divorce with my ex wife. Probably, as you suggest, I’ll talk to her of this, but Im going to consider the hyphotesis she someway is attracted to me too, and, because of this, may not be as honest as we hope. What a pity, since everything is going great. Hope I am totally wrong.
I wish you the best as well!!
Kristi,
After serious consideration this week, I have decided not to pursue action against my former therapist. I should have filed a complaint when I first contacted the licensing board ( 5 months after termination). The person I spoke with there practically begged me to come there and give a video testimony. He told me he would probably lose his licence after what I told him. I kept very detailed information and everything was fresh in my mind.
I have spend so many years depressed because of what happened, and I don’t think I could endure another 2 years going through this anymore. He has already stolen 7 years of my life now.
What I am going to do though is write a letter to the head of the licencing board anonymously. My advice to them is that they need to make it mandatory for therapists to provide each new patient with information about ethics and boundaries during the therapy process. Every new patient should be given a pamphlet. The patient should also have to sign a form to acknowledge they received it too. One copy to the patient, one copy the licensing board, and one for the therapist.
Had I been informed about what was ethical during the therapy process, I might have ended it within a few weeks after starting. I would have realized early on he was unethical and incompetent. I would never have formed such a strong bond with him that was hard to detach from. The bond I had with him made it difficult for me to take action against him.
I think these licensing boards need to do more to prevent abuse from therapists.
Leeann
Leann,
Good for you for knowing what you need and taking care of yourself! That’s the most important thing you can do.
I agree that the licensing boards need to do more, although it’s hard to ferret out these narcissists and sociopaths. They’re pretty good at disguising themselves as nice, caring people and manipulating others to believe their BS. (And most of them believe in their own BS anyway, so it’s easy to buy into the illusion.) That being said, yes, it should be mandatory that every patient receive a copy of that pamphlet. I don’t know why that’s not mandatory. Consumer education is the way to go! Good luck with the letter and feel free to keep us posted!
And keep taking good care of yourself!
~Kristi
I have just realized that I am a survivor of therapist abuse. I am now 23 years old and recently started seeing a new therapist that has helped me see that I was taken advantage of. When I was 16, my parents found out I was abusing drugs and sent me to an inpatient treatment center. It was there that I met “John”. I was in treatment for 60 days and by the end of it, we were making out in his office during every session we had. Not only was I a client, I was 16 and he was in his late 20s. He made me feel like I was special, that he knew me better than anyone. I looked up to him, admired him, and felt that he had all the answers to my problems. After treatment, I went to outpatient with him and it continued. We kept in contact after I finished my treatment, meeting up at times but never actually having sex until my 18th birthday. After that, we continued to have sex regularly until I turned 23 this year and moved away. I even started working for him at the facility when I was 21 and worked there until I moved away.
It has taken a lot to even realize that this was not something that should have happened. I thought I was special and that he fell in love with me, and I fell in love with him too. I kept the secret for so many years and let him run our relationship however he wanted. The worst part is that it took him not talking to me to even realize it, and I still protect him by not sharing my story.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story here! Speaking the story and telling it to a supportive audience is a bit step along the healing process.
We all want to feel special! Sadly, some people take advantage of that to get their own needs met. I am so sorry this happened to you and hope you are able to get the help and support you need to heal.
All the best,
Kristi
Rebecca,
Thank you so much for being brave enough to post what happened to you on this site. In telling your story you are helping others that may be in the same situation. I am really sorry that you had to go through all that and that you were so wrongly taken advantage of.
~Kelly
Thank you guys for responding to my story! I am currently receiving help and sadly, it is too late to file any charges against him but I am working to get some closure. It is nice to log on here and see some similar stories and know I am not the only one that went through this!
I’ve been on this site for a year probably. I’ve been waiting until I was strong enough to share my story. Still not there, yet. But, last night I really wanted to share with someone what I was feeling and there was no one there for me to share with….but you guys. I broke free of a “Christian therapist” in Greensboro, NC a year and a half ago that had emotionally abused me for two years and I feel unrest around me from others that it is time I put this pain behind me and move on. But, I just keep finding more pain to heal from. Anyway, here’s what I wrote last night as I was journal-ing…
the unbroken silence……the story untold……..the pain not shared………no one wants to know…….the unknowing……..the unknowable ache…….
.painful silence…….silence of shame………the shame of believing the promise……..the pain of a broken promise……..shamed into silence………broken in the silence…………laughable trust……….alone in distrust…… .the broken trust……..betrayal of trust…….
hurt unheard………shattered trust………..how does someone start to pick up the pieces of shattered trust?…………no longer trusting………….unfindable trust…………controllable distrust………..managed distrust………….unmanageable aloneness……….
Hi Kelly,
Thanks so much for sharing! If you like, I can put your journal “poem” on the creativity page. Just let me know.
It’s true that there can be many layers of healing. I’m still finding new things I need to work through! It’s definitely a process, and everything happens in its own time, when you’re ready.
~Kristi
Wow, Kristi. I am very happy that you want to do that. Could I work on it a bit more? I can try to put it into more of a poem form. Would you just like me to repost it back here after I work on it for a little bit?
~Kelly
Kristi, Here’s the reworked poem. Thanks for posting it on the creativity page! It makes me feel like my voice is going to be heard by someone. I would like for my whole name to be used……Kelly Sweatt.
The unbroken silence, the story untold
The pain not shared because no one wants to know.
The unknowing, unknowable ache, the hurt unheard.
The painful silence, the silence of shame.
A shame from believing the promise,
A broken promise sorrow.
Shamed into deafening silence
Smothered and broken.
Laughable trust, broken faith,
Betrayed and shattered.
How does someone begin to pick up the pieces?
Vanished trust, unfindable hope,
Fear of being, dread of day
Controllable distrust, managed mistrust
UNMANAGEABLE ALONENESS.
Fabulous! I’ll put it up in the next couple of days.
Thanks!
Hello Kristi,
I have been working on “my story” of therapist abuse but it has turned out to be quite long….. 8 pages. Is that too long to post on here? If it is, could I post it in segments, I guess like break it up into different posts? Thanks, Kelly
or any ideas you have would be appreciated!
Kelly, check out my latest post: Two Questions
Someone has suggested that instead of having a list of New Year’s resolutions that we choose one word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live. My one word is FREE.
Free of people pleasing and nice conversations
Free of stressful worry and negative thoughts
Free of anxious striving and lonely rejection
Free of crippling fear and distressing confusion
Free to be courageously strong and daringly tender
Free to eagerly embrace and quickly reject
Free to grow in confidence and bloom in security
Free to thrive, free to trust, and free to dream
Free to care for myself and free to cling to God’s faithfulness
Free to be ME
Yay for freedom!
Thanks, Kelly! I’m right there with you.
I posted my story above a while ago. I just wondered if any of you guys know anything about filing a complaint or any type of legal charges? I thought it was too late, but I was recently told that because I just realized the abuse during my current treatment, that I still have 3 more years to file a complaint/charges. Does anyone have any input on this? Or any stories of their report… good or bad? Up until recently, I had not even considered filling charges because I feel like with no evidence, it would be pointless.
Thanks guys!
Hi,
You can read about my own experience with filing a complaint in my story, in 7 Tips for Therapist Abuse Victims Considering Legal Action and in Taking Action Against Your Therapist — Whatever Your Feelings Are.
I STRONGLY encourage you to contact an attorney regarding your possibilities. There are several listed on the Legal Resources page. If there isn’t one listed in your state, call one of them anyway, in case they have suggestions and/or referrals.
Everyone has their own experience with this — some good (or at least good enough), some bad, many in between. You will need to decide what’s best for YOU. Yes, it is a very activating and triggering experience, especially if you have not fully dealt with the abuse. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. You also need to know WHY you’re doing it. Is it for accountability? For the safety of others? For your own peace of mind? And then you need to be able to proceed without being attached to the outcome — because you simply cannot know how it’s going to go. Or how long it’s going to take. For example, my civil complaint was resolved in one year, but my administrative/licensing complaint took TWO.
Whatever you decide, it’s got to be about you and what you need and what will bring you the most peace and the fewest regrets. For some it’s filing the complaint; for others, it’s letting go of taking action. Talk to a lawyer, and then sit with it for a while, so you can make the decision that’s the best for you.
Good luck!
It’s kinda funny that the above post came through today.
I have been writing a blog about the emotional abuse I endured at the hands of a Christian counselor. It’s one of those free blog sites that really no one can find anywhere on internet unless you type in the exact address. And while writing in the beginning it felt safe that no one could ever find it (namely the previous Christian counselor and the “underlings” that are still seeing her) it is now making me feel like I am hiding my voice. So, I talked with my current counselor today about buying a domain and using the counselors name on the website. We talked about the repercussions (like the above happening…therefore why it was a little funny to see the above written by a current counselee touting all the virtues of the abusive counselor.) But, putting the above aside (because I am not putting any stock in the puffed up words) I am wondering about the real consequences of using her full name. I do not fear a lawsuit because the investigator found true what happened to me. Comments like the above, although a little upsetting, would not last beyond a day.
To me, it would be important to use her name to 1) say this really happened to me, and 2) to tell future clients my experience and 3) for others to know the warning signs of emotional abuse.
Does anyone else see any other negative consequences? Thanks!
Hi Everyone,
I need to tell you all to please DO NOT USE REAL NAMES of therapists and others when posting on this site. You can use your own name to comment, but please do not use others’ real names. I need to keep this site safe and free from any legal ramifications. I have had to go through and delete names and/or entire comments from this thread. I apologize if yours was among those deleted. It is not my intention to take your voice away; I simply need you to adhere to these guidelines. You are welcome to post your stories and use a fake name or initials for the offending therapist, but please do not use their real name.
I really appreciate your help and support with this.
Thanks!
Hi, I posted this elsewhere on this site and I’ve put it here too because I may have a thread worth developing for all suffering people. Not a panacea but maybe something that helps in the long term, there frequently aren’t short term fixes, I don’t mean to be negative:
I am neurotic and have been in various therapies and ‘belief groups’ over the years. I am a boarding school survivor. I am a child centered father and grandfather. I now side on the atheistic, though I am NOT a PRIEST for atheism (!) I have had much training in counseling, facilitation and personality typing. I use these skills in life and my very small carpentry business.
After a very long and tumultuous relationship with my partner we split up on her instigation (We ran our small business together which suffered greatly due to the recession and complex industry issues leading up to it). I had a breakdown (breakthrough) which is ongoing, I cry a lot and I’m worried I may be stuck in abreaction. All the signs and all the reasons to split up were there and I knew it. My partner was right to ask for separation. What I am communicating about now is the questionable therapy she was having during the last three years of our relationship.
I am on this website precisely because I have discovered many worrying things about psychotherapy. Most of all there is STILL NO UNIFIED THEORY of the human psyche and various ‘schools’ of psychology train therapists who then offer a hugely diverse variety of STYLES and METHODOLOGIES. Virtually NO therapists agree on CAUSES (of disorders) and it seems to me without identifying causes (of disorders) there will continue to be a Large GREY AREA into which insincere charlatans will be able to creep.
Worse still, there may be GREY AREAS where (so called) well meaning “Have A Go Jos” (or Joannas) ‘experiment’ with their ‘pseudo empathy’ in order to enhance their own self esteem.
My ex partners therapist is a leading Buddhist Meditation Nun in the city I live in and uses a variety of techniques including Gestalt, Family Constellations and Feminist Politics.
(I hasten to add that I was/still am a feminist sympathiser and spent many years examining my own ‘mother boundedness’ and trying where possible to collaborate with women. Aaaand I admit I have a love/hate, push/pull relationship with women. . . I am still working it all out). . .
After sessions my partner would return and soon arguments would break out. At first I could not understand why but within a short period, say three months I began expecting these arguments and tried where possible to defend myself and also to answer the difficult questions my ex was raising.
I was then (as now) in counseling with an excellent therapist who does not drape me or offer advice, nor does he ‘hand out literature’.
These difficult questions coming from my ex were partially legitimate but to this day unanswerable because they always posed me as the abuser and my ex as her own rescuer. To put it bluntly I began to feel that my ex had found a new way to avoid her responsibilities and was allowing her therapist to ‘coach’ her into an empowerment based on vindicating me as her perpetrator in the relationship; IE: anything and everything I said and did was reported back to her therapist and with a spin then subsequently thrown back in my face on return from sessions. I couldn’t do anything right and became the “Problem”. All my female friends began siding with her and I became isolated. . . My male friends demonstrated their misogyny by saying: “Well, what do you expect from women”?
Meanwhile the recession was approaching (2007/8) and the focus seemed to be on ME and not how to get out of serious financial problems soon enough.
All these ‘accusations’ had a grain of truth in them of course. So, it became impossible for me to respond without either vindicating my exes newly acquired ‘feminist / family constellations doctrine’ or appearing obtuse. I couldn’t win.
I finally lost the plot when told (well, lets say “suggested”) I had to read two books both based on Piagets theory of the four stages of development, I already knew the theory! So did my ex! These books suggested that we could recognise co & counter dependent traits and “re-learn” appropriate behaviours. In particular I was made to believe I had sex problems which WERE THE CAUSE of my partners frigidity. And of course I do have sex problems and blame myself. How many women & men are deeply insecure around sex? I can’t see that me or my ex were/are more or less than averagely neurotic in this respect but somehow thanks to the intervention of this so called ‘psychotherapist’ I was targeted with the responsibility to be even MORE LOVING in the sack than I was before.
I have concluded (in tears) that my ex has been brainwashed. She is still not happy despite getting the house, our daughter, a new boyfriend and all our previous friends to take sides with her (they are all “New Age Devotees” of one sort of another).
The brainwashing I believe she has had is basically an ENFORCED DRAMA TRIAD. Somebody MUST be the perpetrator; somebody must be the rescuer and somebody else the victim.
I feel my ex and her therapist should have addressed our need to separate from the outset. We had both agreed we were incompatible. We had both studied and been in training for personality typing and Humanistic based counseling. It seems to me that my exes therapist allowed my ex to waste a huge amount of time, money and focus vindicating the IDEA that she is co dependent and I was her perpetrator. To this day she remains silent, as she always was when confronted with a decision needed to be made. Strangely she is the one with all the money, the rich family (all cold fish) and the Moral high ground. I am totally broken, I have PTSD, chronic repeating fatigue, grief, depression etc. I also just about keep our old business going though I live with the professional stigma of having been the CAUSE of the failure of it.
My conclusion is that good therapists do NOT offer advice or hand out literature. Furthermore they should NOT mix religion / philosophy / gender politics or outmoded theories into the therapeutic alliance. I am deeply suspect of this ‘quasi scientific’ approach found in “NEW AGE” philosophies.
It is all just another COGNITIVE TYRANNY.
Regarding causes: Check out EPIGENETICS and the work of Arthur Janov. He has developed a therapeutic system that gets to causes and gradually over time helps us neurotics and sufferers recover from serious repressed trauma. Art Janov has a blog: check out: “Janovs Reflections on the Human Condition”.
My very best regards to all you people who FEEL terrible for whatever CAUSE. . . I hope this post and the subject of CAUSES can be developed over time.
Paul G.
Hi,
oh blast, I can see I just broke a blog rule on this site. However it’s not about dissing a therapist nor ‘promoting’ a profit making scheme. . .
Sorry.
Paul G.
Hi,
-and I’m quite sure the aforementioned 90 year old expert in trauma & recovery (practicing still after 60 years NOT FOR PROFIT) would be more than glad to form links with this site. He’s published the name of this one on his blog; ie: he approves of this one because he has had to deal with HUNDREDS of trauma victims made worse by charlatans.
I could have gone about this in a better way. . . but actually, I am a suffering patient first, not an expert facilitator (if only).
Please accept my apologies for breaking this ‘name’ rule and offering a new perspective but I can only see good coming out of it.
Regards
Paul G.
Hi Paul,
You’re fine. No broken rules. The guidelines are mostly for those whose intention is to blame and re-victimize survivors and for survivors who want to name names. I don’t see either of those in your posts (unless I missed a name somewhere?) — so it’s all good.
Thanks for sharing!
~Kristi
I really want to reach out to everyone here, but inparticular LeAnn. I see that you have not written since the end of October and I just wanted to say that I hope that you are continuing to heal after all that you have endured. My heart really went out to you as I read your story and all that you were going through with trying to recover. I couldn’t agree with you more that the therapist who harmed you is a predatory Narcissist. What he did was completely and totally unforgivable. He was supposed to protect you, but yet he took advantage of your vulnerability. I know how much courage and strength is takes to reach out to others here on this site and I want you to know that your ability to do just that speaks volumes about the inner strength you possess.
I also want for you, and everyone else reading these comments, to know that the fact that you continue to struggle with what happened even well after the abusive therapist is no longer a part of your life is a NORMAL reaction to severe emotional abuse. The agonizing feeling of missing the person you thought the abusive therapist was is a crucial part of trauma bonding. The depth of the despair and the intensity of the grief you feel is not reflective of there being something inherently wrong with you. Your reactions are instead indicative of the severity of the trauma you endured. Healing from this type of abuse is not as simple as just removing the abusive person from your life and then moving on. For so many of us who go through this, it is incredibly frightening just how far we continue to self destruct AFTER we have removed ourselves from the destructive relationship. I urge all of you to learn as much as you can about Narcissistic abuse. This is not something that most mental health professionals are familiar with and therefore it means that for many of us who endure therapist abuse, the road to reclaiming our identities is hard to find. I have set up a facebook survivor’s forum called Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: Hope For Victims and Survivors. I try very hard to post as much accurate information about what this type of abuse is and how to heal from it. I have also found a number of people around the world who are actively trying to get this type of abuse recognized for what it is. Narcissistic abuse is not something that is only a part of client- therapist relationships. This type of abuse can happen in any relationship and it is not being identified properly. I will say that from what I have learned in the past several years, Narcissistic abuse in the therapeutic relationship can be some of the most destructive Narcissistic abuse imaginable.
One website that was instrumental to my own healing was created by a psychotherapist in Ireland named Christine Louis de Canonville and it can be found at NarcissisticBehavior dot net (I don’t think it’s possible to put links in these messages so I am trying to make it easier to find) One particular article there- Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: What the Heck Is It- is a must read. Christine has devoted so much of her life to trying to help survivors of this type of abuse find the currently hidden path to healing from it. She is incredibly knowledgeable with this subject.
Healing takes a lot of time and sometimes it feels like you are n;t making any progress at all. But I promise each and every one of you who comes here for support, you can reclaim your identities and your lives. The key is to learn all that you can about Narcissistic abuse and allow yourself to process the information slowly. Your brain will help guide you if you allow it.
Please take this key and help yourself out of the prison you have been locked within.
Michelle Mallon, MSW, LSW
Thank you for sharing this.
You are very, very welcome!
I went to a mental health social service agency for 30 years off and on. The last 3 years I was going 25 hours a week to therapy. I was having problems with an abusive therapist that constantly belittled me and put me down. I complained and was thrown out of the building and my services ended immediately after talking to the supervisor. I have tried complaining to so many state agencies who have done nothing. I believe I was singled out for making a complaint. Recently I was told to reapply for services. The intake worker lied and said I was cussing and using the F word at her. This place is extremely abusive. I feel abandoned by my therapists and this agency. I have been without services for 10 months now and just recently went through this event where the intake worker lied. I now recorded the calls so I have proof she lied.
To AO and Michelle, I wanted to let you know I made comments after your responses under my story (Kelly’s Story). I noticed that the comments from that area of the website aren’t sent out in emails. Thanks!
You are so very welcome Kelly. I will read the comment now.
Big hugs to you!
Michelle
Treatment with J started with help for my child with Reactive Attachment Disorder and then became solely about healing from my severely abusive past and present. It was intense, hard work. During this time, I became aware, knew and honored my truth, diminished self-loathing and saw the impact of secondary characteristics in every inch of my life. And many other things…
As we worked, J was amazing. He was supportive and encouraging. He reassured that he considered it an honor, it wasn’t too much for him, I was not a burden, that he was with me in this, encouraged me to write more, that it was narrative therapy, to stay connected. Whenever I would worry or doubt he’d squelch those ideas. J knows more about me than any human on this earth. We worked well together, he said, “we click.” He called me “my friend,” “you’re amazing,” “I like you for so many reasons,” “I never knew someone could go through this without hurting others,” “I admire you,” “I wish you could see yourself as I see you,” “quit being so precious.” He HATED my perpetrators! Loudly, with vengeance. I loved that he was on my side. He became many roles to me but lastingly my anchor and the big hands I would safely crawl into each night. He validated my truth in ways I never knew possible. We cried, laughed, worked, worried, healed. And were human–we liked each other. We were friends. Nothing inappropriate. I paid him diligently, nothing was hidden.
But to J that type of relationship became abruptly unacceptable! Toward the end, when I was fully in a trusting relationship with him, I made innocent comments (1. idea of a retreat for me with him as the therapist and 2. I offered him and his wife my moms empty home when they were coming to town and 3. expressed my desire for him to really “feel” an abusive experience i related to him). He felt it was “too much.” Looking back, I feel my comments ultimately ruined our relationship. There was no room for me to err; he could, I allowed frequent repairs by him…but a few innocent comments from me was too much for him. I understood his perspective as best I could, apologized and explained. J had only been married months–and our relationship was crossing his boundaries. Even though my intentions with him as a man NEVER approached infidelity, home wrecking. It’s important to know: I only learned of his true reactions to our working relationship after it had been brewing for weeks, maybe months, maybe the whole time. In a volcanic fashion, J spewed, “We are not friends or relatives,” out of no where (it seemed to me) one day. That was the beginning of the end…
I learned that J actually did feel that it was all too much, especially too much TIME and worry about me. “Everyone says it’s too much,” he said while attending an incest conference. That he could not be my sole support. That my needs were increasing rather than decreasing. That our constant communication was hurting him, his personal life and threatening his marriage. He spoke hurtful things, things I had no idea he was feeling. I was shocked by all this! I didn’t know he had these viewpoints. In fact, all that had been relayed to me was quite the opposite. All I knew was how much progress we both saw, the amazing parts. It was a hard fact to swallow when all I heard for 10 months was, “good work!”
Suddenly, abruptly my primary, my most effective and reliable support was shattered.
As a victim of abuse, this had BIG connotations. I never had support, trust, whole relationships with “men.” It was risky, scary, new ground for me. But I did learn to trust J, by means of his care and encouragement. However, in a day he “pulled the rug from under me.” Stop, done, no more. In my mind, he did as they all had done in my history: Set me up to falsely trust and then hurt me in the end.
At that point, the view of our work changed and labels were given that were so different from when we were actually walking through it. It hurt!!
We tried to repair. I was able to see my piece, my “wrongs”: becoming to dependent, being too intense, too constant. Although J acknowledged, “you did nothing you were not allowed to do.” J stated his wrongs (turning himself into my Savior and being too available to me) and his new boundaries. I was willing to stop outside of session communication (aka email). But, what was not admitted was how devastating and selfish the way, the manner, the style that he chose to communicate these “necessary” changes. It could have been done better, with less hurt…if the objective was to help the client, admit clinician errors and repair. But as he admitted he was not thinking of me and what method would be the best way for me to go through change.
Overtime, I was able to over look and forgive all that because we had a good working relationship. And, I still had work to do. I was willing to try a new way. And also, it must be acknowledged: my past taught me to cling on tighter through the pain, never let go because fear of abandonment is worse than death. So I clung on to J even though he was hurting me with every word, look. It hurt!!!! So!!! Bad!!!! And I stayed, held tight and hoped he wouldn’t do as they all had done…please!
I tried so hard.
However, I realized that I could not easily turn our already established “friend-like” working relationship into a “generic” therapeutic session–just felt hurtful with every attempt. He was cold from then on. Which caused me too much hurt! He even said, “I don’t know why everything you try turns into hurt.” Yes, even what I thought was to be a safe zone–therapy! So I decided to say goodbye. And pursued finding another therapist. I was at semi-peace with my choice and even felt a bit of relief. It was so sad, but now I could heal, the pain could stop. “Therapy is about healing not hurting,” he said. With that mantra I concluded us.
But…
J could not just be silent and let me go. Let me be. Let me end when I needed to end. No, he re-opened conversation. When I asked him why, he said, “I guess I wanted to show that I was a good therapist.” A humble moment and honest.
I had been feeling the pain and was grieving over what I thought I lost. It hurt, I wanted my support back and so, I re-considered his words. I knew in my gut I shouldn’t. But I felt, I understood him better than I had, I made concessions/compromises in my mind, humbled myself, finally got a few “why’s” answered. I felt with this understanding and openness (now he was being upfront with me), now maybe we could work without hurt once again. I was willing to try again, I was hopeful. So we scheduled a therapy session. “Ok Great,” he said. “Nothing would make me more happy,” he stated. Oh! I was so happy to start anew! I really thought we’d pick up and finally move on with our good work.
The session comes, and the first sentence he utters includes, “X, I can’t help you anymore.” He reported that he consulted several colleagues and decided he is too enmeshed with me. I tried to understand. He actually raised his voice, was angry, stating he felt threatened. Now you don’t know me, but that is against every grain in my body. It was a mess! Whoa! Blind sighted again by this man. After all my processing and willingness to forgive, forget and move forward! I could concede but he was not willing, “my decision is final,” he said. I was shocked again. But he was volatile, so I couldn’t think of my feelings. I calmed it and “fixed” it–my past programming kicked in (which is: calm the man, let them feel good and right, for the sake of my own safety). The mood shifted. We said peaceful, kind things. “I’m glad we took the time for this,” he said. “I’ve learned a lot,” he dared to utter, at my expense, with my pain. He even laughed at one point! I’m so good: I make sure my abusers are happy. I excel at making them feel good as I’m dying inside! It’s part of what my past taught me to do. They are happy and I’m “safe-ish.” It went so far that being “off the hook” was spoken instead of what I should have said, “you pathetic selfish asshole, you deceived me!” “Respect and appreciation” actually rolled out of my mouth instead of vomit. And finally the inevitable, bye.
This last blow was extremely traumatic for me. It felt too similar to abuse. I stayed numb for two days afterward! When the numb wore off, I was angry and felt the injustices! I sent my angry message to him. I deleted it right away, I don’t remember my words but I know even what I spoke was not strong enough. I felt it was a necessary step in the letting go process. I will never communicate with him again. That is my pathetic, weak, ineffective revenge: he won’t know me, see me, talk to me EVER again. But, I still ache and hurt inside.
It’s been months. Everyday I see his arrogance, his relief, his coyness. Everyday I regret all I gave (kindness, honesty, myself, my whole story, time, energy, all of my savings). I see his dismissive attitude regarding my pain, seeing “pain” as a teacher. “Don’t trust others, learn to trust/parent yourself,” he says is my painful lesson. I hear “his story” regarding our time, including his words, “you are stronger than you think, maybe you are ready to move on, pop a balloon and let it go, go find someone who can give you love back.” He makes it a perfect fairly tale ending and smiles with satisfaction. When the truth is: I’m more broken now than before. I don’t even recognize my broken emotional self some days. My life is more tragic than ever and I’m
too weak to fight any more. That’s what therapy did for me.
It was all handled so poorly from the start. I followed his lead. I didn’t know. This was my first experience being a mental health client. And my history is overwhelming. I needed help pacing. So there were reasons, some justifiable. Mistakes made. It’s ok to be wrong and repair or change.
However!
J should have known better as the clinician. I was/am so broken in many ways and vulnerable. It was his job to help me do this work safely. Safe and reliable therapy was needed. Not being overly generous/supportive for a time and then throwing me down suddenly! When errors were seen, his methods were too abrupt and harsh.
This story may not sound as abusive as others. It may even just sound like a series of mistakes. Innocent. But it has shredded an already mangled victim. And it needs to be known: how an unskilled or unprepared or unresolved, misguiding therapist can demolish rather than repair.
My whole life I have hidden others secrets. I protected wrongs inside of me. I vowed not to do that any more. This letter is my attempt to validate what I know about my experience with J, not to become frozen with fear thinking of retaliation and not to hide/disguise.
Thank you for hearing me. For knowing with me.
It was wrong. It hurt me.
Let it go…
Now I hope to heal.
Amy, thank you for sharing your story! Yes, even a non-sexual relationship can violate intimate boundaries and devastate a patient. J did not hold good boundaries at all; he encouraged your dependency — and then abandoned you and refused to take responsibility.
On this site, Michelle Mallon has written about narcissistic abuse and the effects it can have. You may want to do a search (try searching for her name and also “narcissist”) and read what she’s written.
All the best to you in your healing!
Kristi
Thank you, Kristi and Kelly, for honoring my experience.
I keep reading both of your comments again and again. It brings hope and courage and strength.
Your clear and simple truths are invaluable. And further, to have my feelings validated is in itself is healing.
How helpful this step has been!
Dear Amy, What he did was re-traumatizing to you. You made no mistakes Amy, even the ones you listed were in response to the relationship that he was setting up with you from the start. You say “J should have known better as the clinician. I was/am so broken in many ways and vulnerable. It was his job to help me do this work safely” ABSOLUTELY! All the responsibility for what happened is on him. I am so sorry he did this to you. You deserved a safe place. You did nothing wrong in trusting your counselor. He abused your trust and then discarded you. But, healing is out there for you. It has taken me a while to heal but it is possible. Again, I am so sorry he did this to you.
Amy, I just read your heartbreaking account of what you endured with your former therapist. It was especially very painful to read this part
“This story may not sound as abusive as others. It may even just sound like a series of mistakes. Innocent. But it has shredded an already mangled victim. And it needs to be known: how an unskilled or unprepared or unresolved, misguiding therapist can demolish rather than repair. ”
because I have felt like that as I made my way through the process of healing. There are different “types” of abuse perpetrated by therapists and I think because emotional abuse leaves no physical scars, we have a harder time even identifying which parts of what happened were abusive and destructive to us. Everything that harmed us can be explained away by someone else as just being an “honest mistake” or “human error”. In fact, in some ways I have felt that the lack of any scars or physical signs of trauma made it harder for me to understand what truly happened in the abusive relationship with my former therapist. For almost a year after I refused to see him any longer I replayed everything in my head trying to understand where I went wrong, what I could have done to have prevented the demise of a relationship I had cherished at one point in time. I thought I was going to go crazy trying to understand all of this. Sometimes I would look at certain aspects of what happened and think, “he was a good therapist and just lost sight of what he was doing” and I would feel at peace for a few days until the nagging doubts of all of the other parts of my experience with him had shaken my theory that what happened was well meaning.
But the reality of what happened was that I had been completely set up to fail in the “therapeutic” relationship with this man. I had initially taken my two young children to see him and he convinced me that I needed to see him to help my kids. Wanting to do whatever I could to help my children I readily agreed. And quite frankly, for the first almost year and a half, I thought this man was very competent and I considered myself incredibly lucky to have found him. And then things changed. It was very unsettling how I ignored red flags that came up because I had trusted him so much. Prior to taking my children to see this man I was a rather dynamic, independent, creative, passionate person. By the time I last saw this man (and like your experience, my former therapist was yelling, cursing and throwing things saying some of the craziest stuff I have ever heard) I was scared to death to leave my house. I spent most of my time in my room under my bed covers. I could barely function. This man had somehow convinced me that it was okay to lean on him and be “needy” for the first time in my life, that is was not a burden and that he actually appreciated being able to do this. And then he would suddenly become the cruelest person I had ever met scolding me at times for being needy. I had no idea at that point in time that I had been groomed to trust this man so that my inner alarm bells would be ignored when he began to really hurt me. I had never encountered anything like this before.
I know Kristi mentioned above that I have done some writing about Narcissistic abuse. It was actually once I learned what this type of abuse is and allowed myself a whole hell of a lot of time to reprocess everything that happened within the framework of Narcissistic abuse that I was finally able to begin to heal. One of the most common symptoms of Narcissistic abuse is PTSD since survivors have oftentimes been living in situation full of paradoxes, mixed signals and walking on egg shells trying to understand what their abusers want from them. Trauma bonding (that feeling of still being connected to your former therapist and perhaps even missing him at times) is also an incredibly cruel after effect of the abuse.
I hope I haven’t overwhelmed you with this response. I want you to know that you are not alone in what you have been trough. And this absolutely was abuse. It might seem that very few people around you understand why you have had such a strong reaction to what this therapist did, but WE get it here. And by learning as much as you can about Narcissistic abuse, I believe you will be able to emerge from this stronger than you were before.
Thank you very much for having the courage and strength to tell your story.
Hugs,
Michelle
Thank you, Michelle.
No your words are not overwhelming, in fact, your response was wonderful. Just what I needed!
I feel so grateful to be validated in this way. Our experiences share similarity–I was amazed. Down to the details of being reduced to hiding in the bed covers!
I did take the time to read much information about narcissistic abuse (all 30 articles on narrissisticbehaviors.net). Wow! The knowledge is really helping me sort through and figure out exactly what happened without minimizing or blaming myself. I still feel shocked. Sometimes it is so hard for me to see this once helpful relationship as it really was, hurtful. He Abused my trust and abandoned me. Gut wrenching! I am also amazed at my tendency to want to protect him. I’d rather protect him than admit the truth, I’d rather blame myself than find fault with him. It is very painful. At the same time, the awareness I am achieving is relieving. My reaction, my feelings are understandable, justified and correct. Yes, he hurt me!!
I appreciate your candor and encouragement! I will forge ahead…I will come out of this stronger!
Amy,
I found the book- “Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity” to be a huge key to unlocking the prison I had been stuck in for so long. It really helped me to understood aspects of what I had been out through that previously made no sense at all. Once I understood them, I didn’t need to constantly relive them searching for meaning. I wonder if it might be of help to you too?
Getting that book on Amazon NOW…
Thank you!
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